tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61076378928615782512024-03-13T23:10:18.596-07:00trishwriter11Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-89833075176642957932013-07-14T13:27:00.001-07:002013-07-14T13:27:30.410-07:00Step Hatred<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a blended family, which I write about frequently. I support step-parents, as I am married to a step-dad, and my children also have a great step-mom. I try to teach others through example, and by writing about what works for us. I tweet my articles, and I follow several step-moms and bio-moms who support blended families. On Friday night, a woman on twitter replied to a tweet about one of my articles. The link is below, and I also pasted to this blog.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/trishiewriter">The conversation:</a><br />
<br />
<strong>Trish:</strong> Step-bashing is hurtful, and unfair. <a href="http://www.bigblendedfamily.com/put-an-end-to-negative-steptalk/">Link to Put An End to Negative Step-Talk</a> on Big Blended Family.<br />
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<strong>Other Mom:</strong> "Bashing the Mom is also hurtful and unfair, yet Ive seen many <a class="twitter-hashtag pretty-link js-nav" data-query-source="hashtag_click" dir="ltr" href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23twitterstepmoms&src=hash"><s><span style="color: #78c1dd;">#</span></s><b><span style="color: #1f98c7;">twitterstepmoms</span></b></a> do it."<br />
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<strong>Trish:</strong> I agree that it is not fair either, and two wrongs don't make a right. I am a bio mom, and I have seen this 1rst hand.<br />
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<strong>Big Blended Family:</strong> "We are talking about parents teaching kids to respect steps. Read the article!"<br />
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<strong>Other Mom:</strong> "I will stand up to steps who trash moms any day. Trish, are you a mom or a bio mom? Big Difference!"<br />
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<strong>Trish:</strong> Just because one person is hurtful, does not give the other person an excuse to be hurtful. If you read this article, you would know I was talking about children speaking negatively to step-parents. I am a mom, and working together with my daughters' step-mom is teaching my girls to love and respect. She has never trashed me and I refuse to speak poorly of her. <br />
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<strong>Other Mom:</strong> "She doesn't trash you because she is probably a wonderful person. #twitterstepmoms that do are anything but..."<br />
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<strong>Trish:</strong> I don't think they badmouth because they are bad people. I think great people can react hurtfully, based on circumstances. The bottom line is if someone treats you poorly, you have a choice. I don't want my girls to learn that if someone hurts you, you hurt them back. It solves nothing. "If we all had an eye for an eye mentality, the whole world would be blind." We all make mistakes and say things we shouldn't. I feel that women should support each other. The step-mom in my life is my parenting partner, and I treat her with love and respect. Let's be pro-mom, whether step, adopted or bio. Let's work together to raise strong, happy, well-adjusted adults. My girls are learning to forgive. I will say a prayer for you. I hope that you find peace and forgiveness. A mom is a mom, step or otherwise.<br />
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<strong>Other Mom:</strong> "I beg to differ."<br />
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<strong>Trish:</strong> It is your right to disagree. My point is if no one is willing to bend and forgive, what will the world look like? I don't want my kids to live in a world like that.<br />
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<strong>Other Mom:</strong> "No, #twitterstepmoms badmouth because they are immature, selfish, and insecure. I don't have a step in my life. Happily married to my first and only hubs."<br />
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<strong>Trish:</strong> Good for you. Why do you follow step-moms if you have never experienced divorce or remarriage? You can't understand what step-moms and divorced moms go through, until you walk in their shoes. But you don't know any of this firsthand. You are not divorced, so you have no idea what any steps or divorced moms go through.<br />
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<strong>Other Mom:</strong> "I'm a product of divorce and I certainly know what divorced moms go through and I have a step and she and my dad bashed my mom. Guess who I don't want a relationship with now!"<br />
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<strong>Trish:</strong> Understandable. Not all steps are like her. I am not like that. I try to teach others how to co-parent. You responded to my tweet, on Friday, about a blog I wrote, yet you didn't read it. I'm sorry you were hurt as a child. But #twitterstepmoms didn't do that to you. I didn't do that to you. There are many great therapists out there who could help.<br />
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I heard later this weekend that this person stalks #twitterstepmoms on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there are many hateful people in the world. I don't feel they are bad people, but rather than choosing forgiveness, they choose to cling to their bitterness like a buoy in the water. Eventually, they are forced to let go of those feelings if they truly want to experience anything better or they die clinging to their bitterness. We all have a choice each time someone is hurtful to us. We can lash out at them or we can take the high road, and be an example. I choose the high road. I wish this woman nothing but healing and forgiveness. We can only control our OWN reactions.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-70719639123360539472013-06-24T09:15:00.002-07:002013-06-24T09:21:13.766-07:00Appreciate What You Have BEFORE It's Taken Away<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had an epiphany last night. We had a pretty good weekend, and we were all a bit sad it was almost over. My husband and I bickered at one another for the latter part of our Sunday. After tucking the girls in, crawling into bed, and putting my arms around my husband I realized something. Have you ever noticed when something really bad happens, you were actually happy with what you had, right before it occurred? Maybe before something bad happens, we don't always notice the good things right in front of us. <br />
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I used to notice this more often, working in the medical field. I watched people die every week, and watched the families collapse in grief. I no longer witness death in my profession. Somehow, I have gotten caught up in the to-do lists, and the nonstop chatter inside my head. Why was I snapping at my husband? How would I feel if I found out something horrible happened, and last night was my last with him? We don't always get a warning before we lose someone we love. Your last kiss to your child could have occurred yesterday, you are just unaware, at the moment.<br />
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My husband and I have recently been crabby with one another, and quick to snap at each other. While my husband and I held each other last night, many things went through my mind. One was of how giddy I was for most of our first year together. It took us months before we had our first fight. I also thought about all of the women out in the world, who had their husbands taken away too soon. I kept thinking that somewhere in the world, was a widow who would give anything to have just one more moment holding her husband. My thoughts drifted to my children. Somewhere in the world was a childless mother, sobbing into her child's pillow, wishing for one more hug. I thought about what a blessing our weekend had been, and I stopped the chatter in my head. I concentrated on the moment with my husband, relishing every second. I woke up with a smile, realizing if something were to happen to one of us today, there is no question that the other knows how loved they are. Don't waste time on too many chores. Put the mop down and read a story to your child. The dishes can wait. Take your husband's hand and dance in the living room. Chores and work will always be there waiting, your family may not be around as long as you anticipated.<br />
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Savor every moment.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-15731456445811385212013-06-15T12:58:00.001-07:002013-06-15T12:58:30.330-07:0010 Ways to appreciate Step-Dads<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Father's Day is a day to honor all of the dads in your life. I wanted to give step-dads the credit they deserve, but do not always receive. It takes a strong man to step into the lives of children that are <br />
another man's biological children.<br />
<br />
Ten ways to appreciate a Step-Dad for everything he does on a daily basis.<br />
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<ol>
<li>Do not compare him to your children's biological father. They are different men, and it is not fair to compare them. Think of their step-dad as a "bonus" dad, and try to notice all of the ways he goes above and beyond.</li>
<li>Make sure the children spend one on one time with him. Find something that can just be his to do with the children. My husband enjoys teaching my youngest to cook. They both enjoy it immensely, and it makes them both feel special.</li>
<li>Do not make him the disciplinary parent. It is difficult enough to be a step-parent without making him the bad guy. </li>
<li>Tell him often how important he is, and that you are grateful for all that he does.</li>
<li>Try to keep the stories that involve bio-dad to a minimum. Focusing on what happened before he came along makes him feel insecure and like he is less important.</li>
<li>Make sure to include him in all important decisions. Co-parenting is tough, and it is easy to leave one opinion out, which can lead to resentment.</li>
<li>Understand that at times he can feel like it is him against the world. If he says something to the children that you disagree with, he suddenly feels like an outsider. Try to treat him like he is part of your family, at all times, even during disagreements. </li>
<li>Have date nights with just the two of you. It is important for your marriage to be a united front, and this is much more effective when you take the time to build up your relationship.</li>
<li>Ask him for his opinion. He has one, and it can often be overlooked.</li>
<li>Make sure the children know how selfless, patient, and strong a step-dad has to be for his children.</li>
</ol>
Happy Fathers Day to all of the wonderful Stepfathers. Thank you for all you do.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-38205370422349439832013-05-05T10:47:00.000-07:002013-05-05T10:47:03.896-07:00Sometimes Life can Slap you Awake<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I've posted about my dad in the past, <a href="http://trishwriter11.blogspot.com/2012/10/for-my-daddy.html">here is the link.</a> He had a stroke seven years ago, and has many residual medical issues from the stroke. Two weeks ago, I received a call at work that he was in the emergency room, with difficulty breathing. He lives very close to the hospital where I worked as a tech in the emergency room for over six years, so when they called me, saying he was really sick and to hurry, I knew what that meant. Terrified he was dying, I closed out my computer, and rushed out of my office. One thing that is very important to my dad is that he not be resuscitated, if he coded. This is hard for me to accept, but I understand, as I feel the same way about if something were to happen to me. He is scared of becoming trapped inside his body, and of being completely reliant on others. He also worries about becoming a burden, which I argue about with him, but he does not waver. Since his stroke, I have had to help him with certain things, but he is still able to live alone and be somewhat self-reliant.<br />
<br />
I was afraid they were intibating him, before I was able to get there, and I had been putting off his DNR paperwork. The doctor had said they needed to intibate him over the phone, but I wanted to talk to my dad first. I wanted to make sure it was what he wanted, but I also knew that if he was struggling for breath that I could not just watch him suffer. <br />
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I ran through the doors, and found someone who knew where he was. They were just about to take him to ICU, and they had already intubated him. He was sedated. I was too late. Tears pouring from my eyes, one of the nurses who I used to work with years ago embraced me. When I grabbed my dad's hand, she told him that it was no longer her holding his hand--that it was me. This statement brought more tears. She held my dad's hand until I could get there. She spoke to him gentle, and looked after him like he were her own flesh and blood. We went up to the ICU, and they forced me out of the room while they transferred him to their bed. I knew the drill--I had kicked family out to do the same, and had hated to see them over my shoulder watching every little move I made. At that moment, I understood how that felt. My mom and husband had not yet arrived, so I stood in the waiting room alone. When one of the doctors entered, I was quietly sobbing. I listened carefully to his words. They were worried about his lungs, and his heart, as not all of the tests had come back.<br />
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My mom and husband soon arrived at the hospital. My mom, who had been divorced from my father for over twenty years, came to the hospital to support me.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2vhK00yWtfdHdmANQ5i6DIOL2tLiVBgoWVjDl5iL0UlhW3jDxHuHnRFn2HxKdhspSssZRcSkHoc5si4oHmya3SM2xSM1WAL_UiJCH6ym2DWypvgBPbk4RX7hBpmNZWiCpRXxBIJ_I0cV8/s1600/1209_DSC_0822.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2vhK00yWtfdHdmANQ5i6DIOL2tLiVBgoWVjDl5iL0UlhW3jDxHuHnRFn2HxKdhspSssZRcSkHoc5si4oHmya3SM2xSM1WAL_UiJCH6ym2DWypvgBPbk4RX7hBpmNZWiCpRXxBIJ_I0cV8/s1600/1209_DSC_0822.JPG" height="212" width="320" /></a>The next twenty-four hours were the worst. He was sedated, but toward the end of the day he was opening his eyes. He started squeezing my hand, and he tried to talk. My ex brought our daughters to the hospital to see my dad. They both spoke softly to him, and he blinked at them. I was worried about what was going through his head, and reminded him over and over what was happening. I kept thinking about what it would be like to wake up, completely helpless, restrained to a hospital bed. This thought terrified me.<br />
The next morning, he was more lucid, and they finally took the tube out. The first words he said to me were, "what was <em>that</em>?"<br />
<br />
He was diagnosed with CHF, and renal issues. He was in the ICU for four days, and then another floor for three more days. He is back home now, and on the days that the home health nurses do not check in on him, I stop by and check his vitals. I have also started helping him clean and now do his grocery shopping. Having a parent with declining health is one of the worst things to experience. There is nothing worse than watching someone you love suffer. <br />
<br />
I also have to say a special thank you to the nurse who held his hand, until I could. She greatly touched my heart, and reminds me what it means to be compassionate. <br />
<br />
I don't know how much longer my father will be around, but this last scare has been a reminder of many things. I was reminded of how precious time is. I was reminded that at any moment, the rug can be pulled out from under your feet, leaving you falling into the unknown. We do not have complete control of circumstances or even over our own bodies. We have to trust in those we love to take care of us, and we have to have faith. I will make sure that my dad knows that I care. I will make sure that every time he sees me he knows that I don't consider him a burden. I was helpless once, and he cared for me. He did the best he could with what he knew in raising me. It is important to me that he knows I have forgiven him for whatever he thinks that he did wrong, and that I understand. I am a mom now, and I know that no parent is perfect. True unconditional love is letting all of the faults go, and loving the person in spite of their short-comings. I will spend every day making sure that all of my loved ones know how I feel about them. This was a huge reminder of how little control we really have.<br />
<br />
Wedding photos by, Matt Spilker and Lyndsay Rupe, <a href="http://www.spilkerportraits.com/">Spilker Portraits</a><br />
The baby picture is of me.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-2828765170922977322013-04-11T19:18:00.000-07:002013-04-11T20:30:43.590-07:00When Your Husband Leaves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Someone I know has someone important in her life going through a divorce. This friend is watching the person she loves experience pain and loss. She feels helpless. This is for you, to share with her.<br />
<br />
My divorce was amicable, but not at first. When he left, the sadness was like having thirty pounds of weight strapped to my back. It hurt to move, to breathe, to be. I looked forward to going to sleep, because I would dream we were still together. I hated waking up to reality. I still loved him and wanted to work on things, but he did not. <br />
<br />
I examined myself through a microscope, analyzing everything I had ever said and done. What I didn't do or say. Whether or not I complained too much. I didn't look the same as I did when we met, and I wondered if he missed the girl I once was. I worried that I had spent too much energy on other things, not leaving enough for him. Everything that had transpired over twelve years replayed in my brain like an old film on a loop. I felt like a failure. I failed to keep my family together. I failed to keep my him interested in me. I failed to be the person he wanted me to be. I failed my children. I failed everyone.<br />
<br />
After the initial three days I spent crying, I went through the motions of my day. I woke every morning and strapped on the weight of my pain. I carried it with me while I dropped my daughters off every morning, tears stinging my eyes as I drove away from them. I felt like I had doomed them to relive their parents' failed relationship. What would their lives look like? Would they be the berries tumbling around the cracks of a broken bowl, constantly searching for stability? They were unaware, at first, that their family was fractured. I lugged the pain to work, and flashed my best fake smile to the people I had to face. There is no other way to describe what it feels like to lose a marriage besides death.<br />
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I hardly ate. I dropped down to 111 pounds. When friends and family members would hug me, my bones dug into them. I tried...I just had no appetite. I had trouble falling asleep, and when I did sleep I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night. The memories, the what-ifs, and the guilt plagued me. For the first time in many years, it was just me. The days the kids went to their father's house were agony. I would find myself sitting on their beds, smelling their pillows, and begging God to take away my pain. It was so unbearably quiet. My heart ached to hear the steady breaths as they slept. I worried when they were with me, that I wasn't enough without him. I worried more when they weren't with me. It has been over three years, and I still miss them when they are gone. Now, I fill the quiet. I fill the silence with the things that I love to do.</div>
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In addition to not eating, I stopped writing--the very thing that normally offered solace repelled me. I stopped doing everything that reminded me of the man who left. I needed to distance myself from all of those things, but somehow I found my way back to my authentic self.</div>
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One day, instead of allowing myself to wallow in my pain, I grabbed my sketchbook and pencils. I sketched, I drew, and I painted, spending every spare moment the kids weren't home creating. I have always been an artist, I had just strayed for awhile. It was the perfect thing for me to do while watching mindless TV, something to concentrate on, something other than my ex and where I went wrong. Some of the pictures I drew were dark, like I had opened a vein and bled charcoal onto the page. Others were bright and colorful, full of hope. This was the first step I took back to myself. The next step was forgiveness. I had to let go of all of those unrealistic expectations I had held onto for years, of myself and of my ex-husband. Forgiveness takes time and lots of practice, but it starts with a choice.</div>
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I know when you are living in it, it's so heavy, it is suffocating. It feels like you have lost everything. You don't understand where you went wrong or what you did to deserve it. The truth is that things must come to an end when you are no longer growing in a relationship, whether a friendship or a marriage. You can either grow together, adapting along the way, and feeding one another with love and understanding or you grow apart. My relationship with my ex-husband had become toxic for both of us. Neither of us were growing together, and the end was inevitable. Death is necessary for rebirth. It's not easy, but it is worth what comes next, which is rebirth.</div>
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You will be okay, I promise.</div>
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The last photo from: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicacrosby/4576351188/in/photostream/" id="yui_3_7_3_3_1365729808369_839"><strong>Jessica Crosby</strong></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-16558443930938897242013-03-29T09:07:00.000-07:002013-03-29T09:07:10.938-07:00Is that your Ex Hiding in the Bushes?-Dating after Divorce<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This week, my post on <a href="http://herviewfromhome.com/dating-after-divorce/">Her View From Home </a>is about dating after divorce. I wanted to write a quick companion blog, because humor is so much a part of dating. I must add that none of these men met my children or were around them. I did not want to introduce anyone until I knew I was in a serious relationship.</div>
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When my husband and I first separated, I was talking to a male friend, quite often. We texted, sent Facebook messages, and occasionally spoke over the phone. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through those first two months without his friendship.There was dating potential with him, for the future, but unfortunately he was in a different relationship place. He was ready to date again, and I was still clinging to the false hope that my husband would come back. We never officially dated, just talked. One of the red flags between this male friend and I was that we bickered, and actually fought quite often. We were not even in a relationship and we were already fighting. One thing to remember is people show you who they are, it is up to you to believe them. He was a great guy, we were just not suited for one another. I think what finally sealed the deal for me was when he swore my ex-husband had driven past his house with a blond woman, laughing. I think an ex-husband intimidates some men, and I did not want to be with a man who was easily intimidated. Besides, my ex did not drive by his house.</div>
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The first man I dated turned out to be very similar to my ex, only he was timid. He would obsess over what my ex thought, and whether or not he knew about us. He was constantly looking behind us if we were out, watching for my ex-husband. Needless to say, that did not last.</div>
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The next guy (right before I met my husband, Bob) was a set-up from a friend. I really liked him, at first. He took me to a bookstore on our first date and bought me books. If you know me, the bookstore is my heaven! He was older than me, and he had never been married. We only went on a few dates, emailing and talking in between. I really liked him. He stopped calling me, out of the blue, and stopped responding to my emails. Weeks later, I received a strange email from him referencing a book I had lent him. He then shared that on the last night he had seen me, he thought he was followed home. He swore it was my ex-husband in a Tahoe with tinted windows. He said he could not date someone with an ex-husband. I was so glad that I had not introduced this man to my kids!</div>
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A running joke with my friends after those encounters was pretending to spot my ex-husband in airplanes above us, hiding in bushes, ducking behind booths in restaurants, disguised as old ladies and children, etc. My ex-husband had better things to do than to stalk me. I think the idea of an ex-spouse makes some men uncomfortable. Perhaps they are unable to handle the idea of another man being permanently in your life (with children, your ex will never go away) or maybe they think you compare them to your ex. Maybe they worry that the ex is unstable and could hurt them in some way. This is my take on it anyway. <b>Do you have any funny after-divorce dating stories?</b></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-30176098345062339822013-03-05T14:44:00.000-08:002013-03-05T14:44:06.246-08:00Co-Parenting-Sick Child<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A few weeks ago, I received a call from the school nurse. My youngest daughter was vomiting in her office and she wanted someone to come and pick her up. I called Molly, my children's step-mom, and she had my ex-husband go pick her up from school. It was their day, so I remained at work, clacking away on my keyboard. I received a call from Molly. Cami had a temperature of over 103, she was still throwing up, and she was complaining that her throat hurt. Molly was asking what to do next and I could hear my baby crying, "I want my mommy."<br />
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A lump formed in my throat, and I immediately felt like a terrible mother. Working moms face one of the biggest challenges. We are expected to juggle our work and our family, without missing anything. You are expected to not miss a day at work by your employer, yet when you are not home with your sick child, the other mothers and teachers judge. Molly and I work together, regardless of who's day it happens to be.<br />
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When my daughter's fever kept rising, and she was crying for me, my heart broke. I wanted my baby. I wanted to take care of her, to hold an comfort her, to take her to the doctor, and to rub her back. I asked Molly if I were to leave work, if I could pick up my daughter. She said of course. I picked up my baby and took her to the doctor. I ended up staying home from work the next day. I took care of my daughter on both days, and neither day were my days, they were her dad's days. If we did not all get along as well as we do, they would have said no. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear your child cry over the phone, but not be allowed to come and get her.<br />
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We always try to work together in every way possible. This is one of the many examples of the benefits of co-parenting. Jeff and Molly understood why I wanted to take my daughter, even though it was not my day. My daughter was so happy that she had her mom all to herself while she was sick, I felt better being with her, and Molly was able to get back to work (she runs a business from home).<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-10295610147829642822013-02-25T11:39:00.001-08:002013-02-25T11:58:22.839-08:00Taking a Stand<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Albino Peacock</td></tr>
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One of the most important and most vivid memories of taking a stand or lack there of, was when I around eleven or twelve. We had moved (again) into the middle of nowhere in West Texas, and I had to change schools. I had to ride the bus to and from school, and the other kids were not nice. I was a scrawny gangly kid, who wore glasses until I was thirteen. My main goal at that point of my life was to slide under the radar, to try not to be noticed by all of the bullies. I tried to be invisible. I tried to get good grades, but not too hard. I refused to raise my hand to keep the attention off of myself. The country school I attended was grade K-12. The high-school was in a separate building next to the elementary, but all ages of students rode buses together.<br />
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There was a young man, in high school, who rode my bus. His hair was was the lightest shade of blond, like snow with a tinge of yellow. His eyes were pink, and his skin a translucent white, showing the blue road map of veins snaking beneath his papery skin. The other kids shouted at him, threw food, shot spit-wads at him. Spit-soaked paper tangled in his platinum hair, as he stared out of the rectangular windows. His main objective was to stay in the center of the ridicule to protect his little sister, Marla. She was tiny for her age, although I can't remember how old she was. She had bottle-cap glasses, and if not for her brother would have been the brunt of the jokes. Because her brother was different, more different than her, he was the target. She had a chance, thanks to her brother.<br />
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I sat on the bouncing seats, for a half hour in the morning and a half hour in the afternoon, watching him. Every day, I told myself I would be more like that beautiful boy on the bus. I would take a stand, for him. I would stand up and tell those other kids to STOP!!!! And every day, I held my voice. I knew what would happen if I spoke up. I knew that all of those mean kids would turn their hatred toward me.<br />
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I remember one day in particular, the kids were really mean to him. He endured them calling him a faggot, an ugly albino, and a freak. He sat in that brittle green seat, accepting what his peers put him through. I still believe he did it for her, for Marla. He stood and walked off the bus, with spit clinging in his hair, behind his little sister.<br />
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When I got home that day, I sobbed in my mother's arms, for that beautiful, heroic boy. I was disappointed in myself for not taking a stand for him. That was the first time I learned what the word, faggot meant. I learned, from my mother, about homosexuality. Before I had my first period, I learned of how cruel people could be. I don't know if he really was gay or if those kids just assumed. What I do know is he was Marla's hero, and he was MY hero. I watched him every day for at least a year, and every day I vowed to stand up for him. There were so many things about me for the kids to make fun of and I couldn't do it.<br />
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I still think of that pink-eyed boy. I still wish I could have been his hero. Now when I see someone struggling, I stand up. I do everything I can to help.<br />
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One of my very favorite people, over a span of 39 years, is Richard Peters.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDOx3m-PjxKCfq8P1PXEAIl67DQJJ_RlVcw2vzoLqe1MH3mmM377uPuS8lztam_qWl8WOQM5-aHwDL2pMc_hhtq1Wjw1Cn8hyKQEiDv5vqk2ZqG631-8PeOT44CfVe-jSY5rUM7-y-Ueum/s1600/rainbow_equal_rights-20121003232003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDOx3m-PjxKCfq8P1PXEAIl67DQJJ_RlVcw2vzoLqe1MH3mmM377uPuS8lztam_qWl8WOQM5-aHwDL2pMc_hhtq1Wjw1Cn8hyKQEiDv5vqk2ZqG631-8PeOT44CfVe-jSY5rUM7-y-Ueum/s1600/rainbow_equal_rights-20121003232003.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a>I will never forget meeting him for the first time. Richard was tall, and his personality was larger than life. I remember looking at him and just smiling. He taught me that I was beautiful. He was there for me when others were not. Richard is a performer, and he has THE voice. His songs can bring you to tears with raw power and emotion. Richard is honest. He is brutally honest. If no one else will tell you the truth, he will. One of my favorite things about him is that he can see the good in everyone, even when they don't deserve it. Someone could bad-mouth him and he would come to their defense. Richard loves God and tries every day to help others. He deserves to be happy.<br />
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This dear friend is homosexual. He has the gumption to stand up for who he is, for who he has always been. He is a beautiful human being, who would do anything in his power for someone else, even those who turn their backs on him. <br />
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This man, this beautiful loving man deserves to have the same rights that I am entitled. He deserves to marry the person he loves, if he chooses to marry. This issue is not about God. This issue is about equality. Richard can not change who he is any more than we can change the color of our skin or the color of our eyes.Even if you disagree with this due to religion, I feel it is purely about equality. Everyone should have the same rights, regardless of religion, race, sex, sexual orientation, and any other reason people invent to oppress others. <br />
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I know that this is a raw subject for some people, especially religious people. Neither of these men have ever purposefully hurt another person. Why would God send them to hell for loving another human being? Why do they not deserve to have the same rights that I have? It makes no sense to me. There was a time when women weren't allowed to vote, when people with a different color of skin were segregated. Allowing rights for some and not others is not fair, regardless of your personal reasons. <b>We all deserve to have the same rights. Period.</b> It is about equality.<br />
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I found the following on a chat forum, written at the end of 2012: <br />
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<i>"Should gays/trans use the same bathroom as Heteros?"</i></blockquote>
Someone actually had the thought that we should give homosexuals SEPARATE BATHROOMS! This really upsets and disgusts me. The responses were equally disturbing. We are teaching our children to judge others. We are teaching our children to hate. Whether it is based on religion or not, it is WRONG. Look at Charlie Sheen, who lived with two women at once. Look at that Kardashian woman, who was married for days...these are the people who do not take marriage seriously. I am teaching my daughters to respect the beliefs and opinions of others, regardless of whether or not they agree, and that everyone deserves equal rights.<br />
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I am so very proud of my president and the first lady for taking a stand. I will stand proudly for my sweet friends judged by their sexual orientation, for everyone who is slighted for their appearance, for every person who is ridiculed for the color of their skin, for a stutter, for being short, for being ugly, for being harshly critiqued for the choices they make, for being promiscuous, for being different.<br />
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I choose to treat people as I want to be treated. I choose to not purposefully cause another person pain. I am taking a stand for equality, even if only with my voice. <br />
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Photo of me and Richard below by, Matt Spilker and Lyndsay Rupe, <a href="http://spilkerportraits.com/">Spilker Portraits</a><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-58522082674406323772013-01-11T04:31:00.000-08:002013-01-11T05:58:28.301-08:00Expectations Ruin Relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSbNJLkD20kMMPpLhr7rQlD_m7SjjkwB_0X47dg0POO7oV5uTXHchxqmsKgb_WhzgfUQVBBIYOP4rtLvFW5M0jVM3tFYxmPlrhHVwmm8U9fc1q1-Lob8wkUovGA-rjnWsDCs_qDl5hxkzb/s1600/image-87-couple-fighting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSbNJLkD20kMMPpLhr7rQlD_m7SjjkwB_0X47dg0POO7oV5uTXHchxqmsKgb_WhzgfUQVBBIYOP4rtLvFW5M0jVM3tFYxmPlrhHVwmm8U9fc1q1-Lob8wkUovGA-rjnWsDCs_qDl5hxkzb/s1600/image-87-couple-fighting.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
My post for <a href="http://herviewfromhome.com/expectations-in-relationships/">Her View From Home</a> this week is about expectations in relationships. <br />
<br />
How many times daily do you have expectations of yourself and others that end in disappointment? Do you assume to know what someone has going on or compare them to you, expecting for the other person to behave as you would? <br />
<br />
All of our needs are different, based on our past experiences, emotional needs and scars, physical capabilities, and the level of learning in life we are on. My life lessons are not the same as everyone else. My past and traumatic experiences are not the same as others. My insecurities are also a factor in setting unrealistic expectations.<br />
<br />
My husband, Bob always has good intentions. If you catch him in the evening when he is relaxing and in a good mood, he will agree to do anything. The next day, he has the habit of realizing whatever he agreed to do was not what he really wanted to do. If he told someone he would do something for them, they count on him. His choices are then to either cancel and risk disappointing the other person or doing the task at hand, while also making himself miserable. I suggested he not make any plans set in stone, to tell people he will see what his schedule looks like the next day, eliminating the promises and disappointment. The best solution for unrealistic expectations and unspoken expectations is communication.<br />
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My mom and I assume the other is thinking one thing, when often we are way off base. I have started asking her when she seems upset if it is based on truth--on facts or assumptions. If based on assumptions of others and/or your own emotional insecurities, it is not fair to project them onto others.<br />
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In the beginning of a relationship, we give up certain things to spend more time with the other person. We stay up way too late, sacrificing sleep. We skip reading before bed for pillow talk or to talk on the phone. The other person's passions become our interests and ours become theirs. After a year or two, we gradually gravitate toward our own interests again, giving less time to the other person. Sleep is important again. This is all normal. The problem is, the other person may still expect you to take the same interest in their interests that you once had. They may expect you to keep a spotless house as you did when you met. They may expect to have sex five times a week, clean, care for the children, and do everything else you once did. If they do not tell you of these expectations, you are automatically set up to fail, and resentment builds on both sides. <br />
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I feel the answer is communication. If you are expecting something specific, the other person deserves to know. When we let go of our own expectations of ourselves and others, going with the flow of life, we are rarely disappointed. <br />
<br />
Something that I am currently working on is letting go of the assumptions that I think other people feel. If someone is upset with me and they do not communicate their feelings to me, it is not my problem. I tend to speculate, analyze, and torture myself with every imagine scenario. If it is really bothering me, I try to speak up. Sometimes this is easier said than done, depending on who the other person might be. I have been working on MY communication skills, and have noticed improvements with all of my relationships.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. Everyone has a
need to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted and to be forgiven when
necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can
only cause disappointment.
The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It's
the things we don't communicate because the last time we did, it caused a
confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings
so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn't take out the
garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage.
In my opinion, the number two problem in relationships revolves around
unfulfilled expectations.
So, how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled
expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs, of
course! You focus on your needs and make a commitment to never have any
undelivered communication about them. Talk about what you need with your
partner. Express your needs with love.
Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems." Excerpt from a great blog, <a href="http://www.celebratelove.com/expectations.htm">The Truth About Relationship Expectations, by
</a><b><a href="http://www.celebratelove.com/expectations.htm">Larry James</a></b></blockquote>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-91399322658468724322012-12-20T07:04:00.003-08:002013-01-14T06:50:46.661-08:00Filling Your Life With the Stuff That Matters<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable"><tbody>
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica','sans-serif'; font-size: 25.5pt; letter-spacing: -0.75pt;">Stress
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<strong><i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;">An Empty Pickle
Jar</span></i></strong><i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">A professor stood before his
philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began,
wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty pickle jar and proceeded to fill
it with golf balls.</span></em><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">He then asked the students if the jar
was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles
rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students
again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.</span></em></span></i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"> <span style="color: black;"></span></span></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;">The professor next
picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled
up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students
responded with a unanimous "yes."</span></em><i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">The professor then produced two
glasses of chocolate milk from under the table and poured the entire contents
into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the
sand.</span></em><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">The
students laughed.</span></em><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">The Moral of the
Story</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';"> - The
professor waited for the laughter to subside....</span></em><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">"Now," said the professor, "I want you
to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
</span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">important
things</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">...your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">family</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">, your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">children</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">, your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">health</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">, your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">friends</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">, your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">favorite
passions</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">.
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would
still be full."</span></em><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">"The pebbles are the
</span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">other things
that matter</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">
like your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">job</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">, your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">home</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">, your </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">car</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">."</span></em></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';"> </span></em><br /><br /><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">"The sand is </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">everything
else</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">...The
</span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">small
stuff</span></strong><em><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">. If
you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the
golf balls. The same goes for life. </span></em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">If you spend all your time and energy
on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are critical to
your happiness."</span></strong></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">The pebbles, the balls, and the sand are different for everyone. My golf balls are my family, friends, health, reading, writing, and music. The pebbles are my job, my home, my truck. The sand is cleaning, cooking, errands, laundry, and the things I agree to do that I don't always want to do. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';">My goal for the next year is to spend more time on the golf balls and pebbles than the sand.</span></strong></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 11.5pt;"><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif';"> </span></strong></span></i></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-43599705092081305462012-12-19T11:59:00.001-08:002012-12-19T11:59:15.021-08:00Co-parenting, Extended Family, and Birthdays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip914gSb9s3NuWMCXbcE4KQGJ2GKR3wzpmAje1puGQ09WjjnFOPkNzRcqjAmtbDedtYLSUXHr9JmJnUYCTBbhW-yJYoylSlOZhMCSytTrVh31DFD4X_Yy9793puMCRTVnLb_hUHD4EMcam/s1600/me+and+Ali,+and+Cami.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip914gSb9s3NuWMCXbcE4KQGJ2GKR3wzpmAje1puGQ09WjjnFOPkNzRcqjAmtbDedtYLSUXHr9JmJnUYCTBbhW-yJYoylSlOZhMCSytTrVh31DFD4X_Yy9793puMCRTVnLb_hUHD4EMcam/s400/me+and+Ali,+and+Cami.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
This year, for Cami's tenth birthday, the four adults went above and beyond to give her a wonderful birthday. The four of us get along and try to keep life drama-free. This is not
always the case with all four sides of our extended family. It is one thing to be married and have in-laws, but quite another to be divorced and remarried, with eight sets of grandparents. Each grandparent is quite different, with their own set of morals, and limits . Not everyone
would prefers our blended approach to parenting. They would prefer we were the <i>traditional divorced family</i>, who does
everything separately, not happy about spending time with all of us.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLj8gyodyCbzRXeMDp68tsV0P2wmPB-AKHfXZKgOo8ah434V1uH_5I1eTYPaYZHYzt0tsYF7JN7DSI2hn5vX2e44EgkmmycmlUrnHCeyh-Wo_X-NB10xIR5Yo_8rK0FtkWm2bvzqtFQAZI/s1600/Cami+cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLj8gyodyCbzRXeMDp68tsV0P2wmPB-AKHfXZKgOo8ah434V1uH_5I1eTYPaYZHYzt0tsYF7JN7DSI2hn5vX2e44EgkmmycmlUrnHCeyh-Wo_X-NB10xIR5Yo_8rK0FtkWm2bvzqtFQAZI/s320/Cami+cake.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cami and Ayden</td></tr>
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Cami
did not want to have four separate parties. She decided on a family
dinner, with Bob, myself, her father, her step-mother, and all of her
siblings together. She will have a slumber party in January. Last night,
we all went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (her favorite) to
celebrate.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7utnmRQHkIFVg04_XAmVP27CaZwvZDScpp2dAZBkKQiH4Bp7p37p9rH4MNhxNkuOW4zPwf61rZjS4KdWN2DvUzXsIwfIhKhEhc6GKI5QnCjoCuo2JK4FMw2SpypfinkAnLNELiSXmKLRy/s1600/Ali+and+Molly.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7utnmRQHkIFVg04_XAmVP27CaZwvZDScpp2dAZBkKQiH4Bp7p37p9rH4MNhxNkuOW4zPwf61rZjS4KdWN2DvUzXsIwfIhKhEhc6GKI5QnCjoCuo2JK4FMw2SpypfinkAnLNELiSXmKLRy/s320/Ali+and+Molly.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Molly and Ali</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Yes, the four of us took all four children out for Cami's birthday, and
yes, we all sat at the same table together. I think Jeff and Bob were
probably a little nervous anticipating awkward feelings, but it went
very well! Bob, Cami, Ayden, and I sat on one side, while Ali, Molly
Jeff, and Peyton sat on the other side. Ayden entertained us, dancing and clapping in his highchair while the
wait-staff danced, laughing when Bob picked up a slobber-covered cup, and
pulling the birthday girl's hair.<br />
<br />
Peyton attempted to gnaw the table and kept her dad very busy. I noticed while we had dinner that caring for
two babies at once is like juggling, with several balls constantly in
the air. It made me appreciate Molly, the girl's step-mom all the more.
She takes care of two babies, AND puts up with my teenager!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaU-P4EqJeLTYDQuG0xGE4rPQS-bzzGgCPLkjiVKkFK1DxZbrfA0rmTVZ6ArmGYmu-rhwTDhM9i29xPC0-9j2MX8591i62LzA-S4wf1TLMT0R3X5izjMIEPV3X-W7L2SR9fkvvINhwtvig/s1600/Cami+helping+A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuuxxPF0WkZWMuxzvhb6Hw8UoqOWkPfSv2-pzbRCAdolDCoeC6xB-bl6gMFyVS8kd8RhSF5e7DpYieNhnaxO-O-q_4aNvgQHo3mLpknH1GNOXfD3S9VZunm_2HAm_Anc-5adz9n6LpE74D/s1600/Cami+Cake+and+A.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuuxxPF0WkZWMuxzvhb6Hw8UoqOWkPfSv2-pzbRCAdolDCoeC6xB-bl6gMFyVS8kd8RhSF5e7DpYieNhnaxO-O-q_4aNvgQHo3mLpknH1GNOXfD3S9VZunm_2HAm_Anc-5adz9n6LpE74D/s320/Cami+Cake+and+A.jpeg" width="320" /></a><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaU-P4EqJeLTYDQuG0xGE4rPQS-bzzGgCPLkjiVKkFK1DxZbrfA0rmTVZ6ArmGYmu-rhwTDhM9i29xPC0-9j2MX8591i62LzA-S4wf1TLMT0R3X5izjMIEPV3X-W7L2SR9fkvvINhwtvig/s320/Cami+helping+A.jpg" width="240" /></div>
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I brought a homemade birthday cake, and we left the restaurant full and
happy. The girls both seemed to enjoy the night very much, and commented
after we left that we are the best parents EVER. There were a couple of
memories brought up from when Jeff and I were married, which I always
worry will make Bob or Molly uncomfortable. Other than that, it went
very smooth. I hope that one day we can try to have a holiday together, but I'm not sure the men are quite ready for that yet!I think it is more awkward for both Bob and Jeff than it is for me, Molly, and the kids.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHifknxlXA0th2rNxy6ImLCKFBURRlq2KjVeLxlYNyxeVwGdUiTzJVC2U8hoFWtuw_TcLPUnjgOpCw7XScg9JxRMmKCCCEZFp1bV52_iZ6zW0yOg0FFUejp17V4aN8MDsOjxVdq9_w2Vkb/s1600/Me+and+Cami.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHifknxlXA0th2rNxy6ImLCKFBURRlq2KjVeLxlYNyxeVwGdUiTzJVC2U8hoFWtuw_TcLPUnjgOpCw7XScg9JxRMmKCCCEZFp1bV52_iZ6zW0yOg0FFUejp17V4aN8MDsOjxVdq9_w2Vkb/s320/Me+and+Cami.jpeg" width="191" /></a></div>
I
think we have put our children, all of them first, in every way. We all
sat at the same table celebrating our daughter turning ten, and we made
her feel special and cherished, which is the best gift we could ever
give her. <br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-24431922587727793192012-12-16T18:21:00.002-08:002012-12-16T18:21:52.764-08:00Find Your OWN Passion, for the Sake of Your Children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2JUTIFU7Ifl-JLLecIOOjE8YwvJ3KYBJ25f3w1lVe8xbA1BMt7QdzMoeNSaMCNMqoRY9YRnshnE5JDWomeiG8vgN9E7ttAv2qWK32uyTiqirMg_O7ICg6OFuNthKWU6YCedcBE69_CspF/s1600/dancers.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2JUTIFU7Ifl-JLLecIOOjE8YwvJ3KYBJ25f3w1lVe8xbA1BMt7QdzMoeNSaMCNMqoRY9YRnshnE5JDWomeiG8vgN9E7ttAv2qWK32uyTiqirMg_O7ICg6OFuNthKWU6YCedcBE69_CspF/s1600/dancers.png" height="427" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
I have been a mom for almost 14 years. When I was a young mom with babies, I thought everything had to be perfect. I thought I was expected to have a spotless house, cook home-cooked meals, and when I wasn't doing all of those things, I was playing with my children. I lost sight of my passion for awhile. I put everyone else's needs before my own. I was happy with my children and family, but felt something was missing.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtY035MPiKS_WO2HAl6ihlLjithzkcBZ2M7vnMl5ayGxLN33wU_BQnrnmD04hyphenhyphenkvfzVbLdHsJzappgsn-rY3NJqdTvwlOgBNVc7YLyn3A2RMESPaF5ICi2IH3qbz1Bojos7N_bNZ5p7Scj/s1600/T3KK1ttsOZ8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtY035MPiKS_WO2HAl6ihlLjithzkcBZ2M7vnMl5ayGxLN33wU_BQnrnmD04hyphenhyphenkvfzVbLdHsJzappgsn-rY3NJqdTvwlOgBNVc7YLyn3A2RMESPaF5ICi2IH3qbz1Bojos7N_bNZ5p7Scj/s1600/T3KK1ttsOZ8.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></div>
I started writing again and something shifted. I realized what had been missing before--the thing that lights me up from the inside. I also realized something else. I have never heard someone on the death-bed say, "I should have cleaned more," or "I wish I would have made everything from scratch (unless cooking is your passion)." People usually say that they wish they would have spent more time doing what they loved. There will always be something to clean, laundry to do, cars to wash, errands to run. Some of that stuff can be put aside for an hour, a day, etc. Another option is to ask for help doing those things.<br />
<br />
I also noticed that most men don't seem to have a problem doing what they enjoy If they love to golf, they make time for it. If they love hunting or fishing, they make it happen. If their passion is cooking, they make time for it. Woman are a different story. <strong>Why do most women feel that it's okay to put themselves last?</strong> <strong>Would you want for your daughter to put herself last?</strong> One important thing to think about is that our children learn by watching us, not just what we say, but especially what we do. If we put ourselves last, our children will learn to do the same. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjkkrcYJkMAerLQRPU-gorqEYZKMFf0nBxgT3G16XJoATE4tVKFxlZZl7a2U5lrqW33GB-F-T3vXSjyJs0qr62oPf5JKdIdPevqlkqsjl1UK8Wj34MeeethDxNc0SpZlsZ-R5BCp98zK84/s1600/pottery-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjkkrcYJkMAerLQRPU-gorqEYZKMFf0nBxgT3G16XJoATE4tVKFxlZZl7a2U5lrqW33GB-F-T3vXSjyJs0qr62oPf5JKdIdPevqlkqsjl1UK8Wj34MeeethDxNc0SpZlsZ-R5BCp98zK84/s1600/pottery-3.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Something I have said since my early twenties and constantly reminding myself is that on every single airline, they tell us if the oxygen masks drop down to put ours on first. You can't help anyone if you are dead. You can't teach your children about passion if you have none of your own. <strong>No matter what lights you up, you must make time for yourself, even if only a half an hour a day.</strong>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-14869960776891069432012-11-15T12:09:00.001-08:002012-11-15T12:11:58.721-08:00Personality Types-Blue, Yellow, Green, Red<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0uxgIxiDovHw8CfC3ZSEQCVhPOOjy8k1cN-iDcb8SVR8F8RMGJyEjzAc_N6MGeyulLvYsdtWWHkXZJ62cJnBRO7HSfxKqp7PGKP5SYzqirmDH5TGcErOqCKFvU3NB87ovPfzDZn1lm-ox/s1600/personality20traits1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0uxgIxiDovHw8CfC3ZSEQCVhPOOjy8k1cN-iDcb8SVR8F8RMGJyEjzAc_N6MGeyulLvYsdtWWHkXZJ62cJnBRO7HSfxKqp7PGKP5SYzqirmDH5TGcErOqCKFvU3NB87ovPfzDZn1lm-ox/s1600/personality20traits1.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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Photo Source:<br />
<a href="http://thecareercloset.com/2012/09/02/careers-come-in-many-colors-what-is-yours/">Color Chart</a><br />
<br />
While I worked in the doctor's office, few years ago, one of the nurses had all of us take this personality test to better relate to one another. It was eye-opening for me to better understand my co-workers and everyone else in my life. The most interesting thing is that my results are different now when compared to when I took the test a few years ago, which I assume is because I have changed as a person. I was tied Red and Blue when I took it at the doctor's office. I posted my current results below. I am a blue, with red and green close runner-ups.<br />
<br />
To take the test, go across each row with the square in each that you identify the most with the highest number. For example: if you are a methodical planner, next rational and curious, then cooperative and idealistic, with spontaneous and Impulsive last: it would be a 4 in yellow, 3 in green, 2 in blue, and 1 in red. Once you complete each row across, add the numbers in each color column. My results are below for example.<br />
<br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 582px;" x:str="">
<colgroup><col style="mso-width-alt: 3876; mso-width-source: userset; width: 80pt;" width="106"></col>
<col style="mso-width-alt: 4388; mso-width-source: userset; width: 90pt;" width="120"></col>
<col style="mso-width-alt: 4169; mso-width-source: userset; width: 86pt;" width="114"></col>
<col style="mso-width-alt: 4534; mso-width-source: userset; width: 93pt;" width="124"></col>
<col style="mso-width-alt: 4315; mso-width-source: userset; width: 89pt;" width="118"></col>
</colgroup><tbody>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt;">
<td class="xl27" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: solid none solid solid; border-width: 1pt 0px 0.5pt 1pt; height: 12.75pt; width: 80pt;" width="106"></td>
<td class="xl28" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: solid none; border-width: 1pt 0px 0.5pt; width: 90pt;" width="120"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Red</span></b></td>
<td class="xl29" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: solid none; border-width: 1pt 0px 0.5pt; width: 86pt;" width="114"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Yellow</span></b></td>
<td class="xl30" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: solid none; border-width: 1pt 0px 0.5pt; width: 93pt;" width="124"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Blue</span></b></td>
<td class="xl31" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: solid solid solid none; border-width: 1pt 1pt 0.5pt 0px; width: 89pt;" width="118"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Green</span></b></td>
</tr>
<tr height="51" style="height: 38.25pt;">
<td class="xl32" height="51" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt 1pt; height: 38.25pt; width: 80pt;" width="106"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">First Row</span></b></td>
<td class="xl24" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 90pt;" width="120"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Spontaneous,
Impulsive, Impetuous</span></b></td>
<td class="xl25" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 86pt;" width="114"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Stable,
Methodical, Planner</span></b></td>
<td class="xl26" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 93pt;" width="124"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Cooperative,
Idealistic, Wants Harmony</span></b></td>
<td class="xl33" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none solid solid none; border-width: 0px 1pt 0.5pt 0px; width: 89pt;" width="118"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Rational,
Curious, Complex</span></b></td>
</tr>
<tr height="51" style="height: 38.25pt;">
<td class="xl32" height="51" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt 1pt; height: 38.25pt; width: 80pt;" width="106"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Second Row</span></b></td>
<td class="xl24" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 90pt;" width="120"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Adventurous</span>,
Daring, In a Hurry</span></b></td>
<td class="xl25" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 86pt;" width="114"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Traditional,
Responsible, Dependable</span></b></td>
<td class="xl26" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 93pt;" width="124"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Catalyst,
Compassionate, Inspirational</span></b></td>
<td class="xl33" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none solid solid none; border-width: 0px 1pt 0.5pt 0px; width: 89pt;" width="118"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Logical <span style="font-size: x-small;">Analytical</span>, Loner</span></b></td>
</tr>
<tr height="51" style="height: 38.25pt;">
<td class="xl32" height="51" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt 1pt; height: 38.25pt; width: 80pt;" width="106"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Third Row</span></b></td>
<td class="xl24" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 90pt;" width="120"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Love Excitement,
Explorer, Unpredictable</span></b></td>
<td class="xl25" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 86pt;" width="114"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Dutiful, Teacher,
Industrious</span></b></td>
<td class="xl26" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 93pt;" width="124"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Authentic,
Empathic, Motivator</span></b></td>
<td class="xl33" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none solid solid none; border-width: 0px 1pt 0.5pt 0px; width: 89pt;" width="118"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Intellectual,
Inventive, Problem-solver</span></b></td>
</tr>
<tr height="51" style="height: 38.25pt;">
<td class="xl32" height="51" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt 1pt; height: 38.25pt; width: 80pt;" width="106"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Fourth Row</span></b></td>
<td class="xl24" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 90pt;" width="120"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Energetic,
Expedient, Jokester</span></b></td>
<td class="xl25" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 86pt;" width="114"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Makes Rules,
Orderly, Prepares</span></b></td>
<td class="xl26" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 93pt;" width="124"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Supportive,
Self-Aware, Caring</span></b></td>
<td class="xl33" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none solid solid none; border-width: 0px 1pt 0.5pt 0px; width: 89pt;" width="118"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">System-Thinker,
Independent, Perfectionist</span></b></td>
</tr>
<tr height="51" style="height: 38.25pt;">
<td class="xl32" height="51" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt 1pt; height: 38.25pt; width: 80pt;" width="106"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Fifth Row</span></b></td>
<td class="xl24" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 90pt;" width="120"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Bold, Witty,
Risk-taker</span></b></td>
<td class="xl25" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 86pt;" width="114"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Loyal, Reliable,
Likes Structure</span></b></td>
<td class="xl26" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 0.5pt; width: 93pt;" width="124"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Romantic,
Flexible, Self-actualizing</span></b></td>
<td class="xl33" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none solid solid none; border-width: 0px 1pt 0.5pt 0px; width: 89pt;" width="118"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Theoretical,
Ingenious, Individualist</span></b></td>
</tr>
<tr height="18" style="height: 13.5pt;">
<td class="xl34" height="18" style="background-color: transparent; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 1pt 1pt; height: 13.5pt;"></td>
<td class="xl35" style="background-color: red; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid solid; border-width: 0px 0px 1pt 0.5pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Total-</span></b></td>
<td class="xl36" style="background-color: yellow; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 1pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Total-</span></b></td>
<td class="xl37" style="background-color: #00ccff; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none none solid; border-width: 0px 0px 1pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Total-</span></b></td>
<td class="xl38" style="background-color: lime; border-color: windowtext; border-style: none solid solid none; border-width: 0px 1pt 1pt 0px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Total-</span></b></td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
<div>
<b>YELLOW</b><b> </b><br />
<b>Responsibility</b></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
I value rules, tradition, and authority. I have a clear idea of what people should do. I want to belong. I handle details well, and I'm a hard-worker. I am useful, productive, a contributor. I like to care for others--look out for them. I want to anticipate and prepare for the future. The home & family are the core of society. It's important to have rules, laws and control. I appreciate awards and public recognition. I demonstrate my love in practical ways.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>Strengths</b><br />
1. Loyal<br />
2. Dependable<br />
3. Punctual<br />
4. Trustworthy<br />
5. Structured</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<b>Weaknesses </b><br />
1. Resistant to change<br />
2. Conservative<br />
3. Rigid<br />
4. Easily flustered in situations of change<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Needs others to provide</b><br />
1. Follow through on details<br />
2. <span style="color: black;">Focus on tasks</span><br />
3. Logical approach</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<b>RED</b></div>
<div>
<b>Adventure</b><br />
I like being free to do things on my own way. Where are the new frontiers? I want to explore. Life is a wonderful game--let's play! Where's the action (or problem), let me at em! Variety and excitement are fun and stimulating. Give me a challenge--I'll handle it now! I love the spotlight--watch me perform. Let's find a new and different way to do it. Freedom is important to me, don't fence me in. Rules that don't make sense can be broken. Bells are for ringing and mountains for climbing.</div>
<div>
<br />
<b><span id="1323596196362S"> Strength</span>s</b><br />
1. Getting immediate results<br />
2. Making quick decisions<br />
3. Persistence<br />
4. Solving problems<br />
5. Taking charge<br />
6. Looking self reliant<br />
7. Accepting challenges</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>Weaknesses</b><br />
1. Insensitivity towards others<br />
2. Impatient<br />
3. Overlook risks<br />
4. Inflexibility, demanding of others<br />
5. Talks too much<br />
6. Inattentive to details at times<br />
7. Resenting of restrictions</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>Needs others to provide</b><br />
1. Attention to routine tasks<br />
2. Caution<br />
3. Focus on details and facts<br />
<br />
<b></b></div>
<div>
<b>GREEN</b></div>
<div>
<b>Curiosity</b></div>
<div>
Searching, learning, and understanding are fun. I love puzzles, problems, and finding solutions. I like to work independently. Intelligence, justice and fairness are important. I want to be correct--to do things right. It would be great fun to explore the universe. Once I've found the solution, the others and take over and put it into action. My calm exterior may hide some inner turmoil. I love to create a brand new idea. Being competent is absolutely essential. I want my brain to manage my emotions.</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>Strengths </b><br />
1. Supportive<br />
2. Agreeable<br />
3. Loyal<br />
4. Self control<br />
5. Consistent<br />
6. Good listener<br />
7. Independent</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>Weaknesses </b><br />
1. Resist change<br />
2. Trouble making deadlines<br />
3. Overly lenient with people<br />
4. Procrastinates<br />
5. Indecisive<br />
6. Holds grudges<br />
7. Overly possessive<br />
</div>
<div>
<b>Needs others to provide</b><br />
1. Push to try new challenges<br />
2. Help in solving difficult problems<br />
3. Initiative and accepting change<br />
<br />
<b>BLUE</b><br />
Relationships are important to me. I want to have lots of friends--share and care. I have integrity, I'm authentic and unique. I like helping others become what they can be. Emotions are okay, and I show mine easily. People are lots more important than things. I enjoy flowers, music, and romantic movies. I love to help friends solve their problems. My hunches work. I'm very intuitive. Empathy and sympathy are both easy for me. I thrive on recognition and acceptance. I'm really good at motivating people.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<b>Strengths</b><br />
1. Orderliness<br />
2. Conscientious<br />
3. Compassionate<br />
4. Creative<br />
5. Imaginative<br />
6. Diplomatic with people<br />
7. Analytical</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>Weaknesses </b><br />
1. Indecisive (looking at all data)<br />
2. Get bogged down in details<br />
3. Rigid on the "how to's"<br />
4. Avoids controversy<br />
5. Low self esteem<br />
6. Hesitant to try new things<br />
7. Sensitive to criticism<br />
<br />
<b>Needs others to provide</b><br />
1. Quick decision making<br />
2. Help in persuading others</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<b>My Results:</b><br />
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<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="border-collapse: collapse; margin-left: 4.65pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 584px;">
<tbody>
<tr style="height: 12.75pt; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0;">
<td nowrap="" style="border-right: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 12.75pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 12.75pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Red</span></b></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 12.75pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Yellow</span></b></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: none; border-top: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 12.75pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Blue</span></b></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: lime; border-left: none; border: solid windowtext 1.0pt; height: 12.75pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Green</span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 38.25pt; mso-yfti-irow: 1;">
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">First
Row</span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Spontaneous,
Impulsive, Impetuous<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Stable,
Methodical, Planner<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Cooperative,
Idealistic, Wants Harmony<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>4</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: lime; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Rational,
Curious, Complex<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3</b></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 38.25pt; mso-yfti-irow: 2;">
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Second
Row</span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Adventurous,
Daring, In a Hurry<b> 2</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Traditional,
Responsible, Dependable<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Catalyst,
Compassionate, Inspirational<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>4</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: lime; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Logical Analytical, Loner<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3</b></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 38.25pt; mso-yfti-irow: 3;">
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Third
Row</span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Love
Excitement, Explorer, Unpredictable<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Dutiful,
Teacher, Industrious<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>1</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Authentic,
Empathic, Motivator <b>4</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: lime; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Intellectual,
Inventive, Problem-solver<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>2</b></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 38.25pt; mso-yfti-irow: 4;">
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Fourth
Row</span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Energetic,
Expedient, Jokester <b>4</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Makes
Rules, Orderly, Prepares <b>1</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Supportive,
Self-Aware, Caring<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: lime; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">System-Thinker,
Independent, Perfectionist<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2</b></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 38.25pt; mso-yfti-irow: 5;">
<td style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Fifth
Row</span></b></div>
</td>
<td style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Bold,
Witty, Risk-taker<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>4</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Loyal,
Reliable, Likes Structure<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>1</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Romantic,
Flexible, Self-actualizing <b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3</b></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background: lime; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 38.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Theoretical,
Ingenious, Individualist<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2</b></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="height: 13.5pt; mso-yfti-irow: 6; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td nowrap="" style="border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 13.5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 80.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="107">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: red; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-right: none; border-top: none; height: 13.5pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 1.25in;" valign="bottom" width="120">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Total-15</span></b></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: yellow; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 13.5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 86.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="115">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Total-5</span></b></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: #00CCFF; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border: none; height: 13.5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 93.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="124">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Total-18</span></b></div>
</td>
<td nowrap="" style="background: lime; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid windowtext 1.0pt; border-top: none; height: 13.5pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 89.0pt;" valign="bottom" width="119">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Total-
12</span></b></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Since I have some Blue, Green, and Red tendencies, it explains why I sometimes feel like I am more than one person rolled into one. I love to play practical jokes on people, yet when something is bothering me, I retreat into my own head like a turtle into its shell. I love being around people, but most of the time I prefer to be alone or just with my family, especially when I'm going through something difficult.One thing I am definitely not is traditional, and the yellows are the people I have the hardest time relating to. <br />
<br />
Below is another personality type article that I found interesting.I think I am a combination of analytical and expressive.</div>
<br />
More information from:<br />
<a href="http://www.relaunchyourcareer.co.uk/personality-types-communication-styles-and-how-to-use-them/">Personality Types Communication Styles</a><br />
<h3>
A simple way of personality typing</h3>
All of this is only useful if you can easily establish the
personality type of both yourself and the other people involved, and
often it’s not appropriate to ask. Luckily, Industrial psychologist
David Merrill came up with a handy alternative back in 1921, when he
realised we could usually ‘type’ people by watching their behaviour.
Merrill called his types, ‘communication styles’, and named them:<br />
<ul>
<li>Analytical</li>
<li>Amiable</li>
<li>Expressive</li>
<li>Driver</li>
</ul>
The characteristics of his personality types share commonalities with the types identified by most of the popular typologies:<br />
<br />
<b>Analyticals</b> like a lot of data in order to make
decisions – information is their comfort zone. For this reason,
decisions can take a long time, because Analyticals need to be sure.
They are not good with blue-sky thinking or with taking fuzzy orders,
especially if they have to hurry or approximate anything. They like
detailed reports and well-worked arguments. They will talk through
points at length, often frustrating Driver and Expressive personality
types. They are less tuned in to abstract concepts and inferences than
other types. They are often happiest working alone.<br />
<br />
<b>Amiable</b> personality types are the faithful Labradors
of the personality set. Without them, no work would get done. They are
the grafters, the planners, the cheerful completers. They can do
anything, and if they can’t, they know a man who can. They are the
conscience of any project, making sure everyone who needs to be told or
consulted about something is told or consulted. They are tolerant, and
will be the quickest to forgive the extremes of the other styles. They
will work until the job is done. They love to be asked for their opinion
or for help, and can take a lot of responsibility, but they dislike
uncertainty, so have your broad plan or direction, and your desired
outcomes, worked out before roping them in.<br />
<br />
<b>Expressive</b> personality types are the cheerful
advocates of the profile set. They are sociable and happy, the loudest
voices in the office, along with Amiables the best networked, and the
ones most likely to drag everyone off to the pub. An Expressive will
finish your sentence. They are imaginative and creative, and will take
your idea and build it into something you never dreamed it could be.
Expressives are approximate, fast-moving, broad-brush and blue-sky. They
don’t do detail, and they hate slowing down. They tend not to deal with
conflict well, because they want everyone to be happy and comfortable.<br />
<br />
<b>Drivers</b> are the managing director personality types.
They are natural leaders, making decisions quickly and delegating
naturally. They are fast-moving and results-driven; often frustrated by
others’ preference for caution and detail. They can be prone to
aggression, and to leaving people behind as they punch through barriers,
but they will deliver the job on time, under budget, and with all
measures exceeded, albeit with a few casualties along the way. They have
and set clear vision, and are generally good motivators of others.<br />
It is useful to picture the personalities on a wheel, so that their
interplay can be more easily seen. Drivers are opposite personality
types to Amiables, and Analyticals are opposite Expressives.<br />
A similar ‘shorthand’ for personality types has been adopted by the
Insights organisation (http://www.insights.co.uk). Insights use
colour-coded the types, so that (as a rough correlation), Analyticals
are blue, Amiables are green, Expressives are yellow and Drivers are
red. Insights also allow for the personality types which sit between the
predominant four, so, on a wheel, a person might be a red-blue or a
red-yellow or a green-blue.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3tPs2VpAAPliRoRBqazNRU1c5f1nyfPaUL_jlb4lIkTtfAuPRDdGAGUQAX4ili2em-25sNU9ZNcPQRa3Ns0dLxxjt-nWFFrFL142rAC2gPrDM3ka1837_Ww9wYoqfsSxuPgFMf4_g1rwi/s1600/chart+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3tPs2VpAAPliRoRBqazNRU1c5f1nyfPaUL_jlb4lIkTtfAuPRDdGAGUQAX4ili2em-25sNU9ZNcPQRa3Ns0dLxxjt-nWFFrFL142rAC2gPrDM3ka1837_Ww9wYoqfsSxuPgFMf4_g1rwi/s1600/chart+2.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
Another personality test and my results:<br />
<a href="http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp">Human Metrics-Personality Test</a><br />
<div class="yourtype" id="yourtype">
<div class="TypeTitle" id="jtype">
My results from the Human Metrics Test:</div>
<div class="TypeTitle" id="jtype">
INFJ</div>
<div id="divTypeDims">
<span class="jtypeExplainAlt">I</span><span class="jtypeExplain">ntrovert(39%) </span><span class="jtypeExplain">In</span><span class="jtypeExplainAlt"></span><span class="jtypeExplain">tuitive(62%)</span><span class="jtypeExplain"> </span><span class="jtypeExplainAlt">F</span><span class="jtypeExplain">eeling(75%) </span><span class="jtypeExplainAlt">J</span><span class="jtypeExplain">udging(22%)</span></div>
<ul id="ulJungInterpretation">
<li>You have <i>moderate</i> preference of Introversion over Extraversion (39%)</li>
<li>You have <i>distinctive</i> preference of Intuition over Sensing (62%)</li>
<li>You have <i>distinctive</i> preference of Feeling over Thinking (75%)</li>
<li>You have <i>slight</i> preference of Judging over Perceiving (22%)</li>
</ul>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-58084134352929346782012-11-02T08:59:00.001-07:002012-11-20T12:38:16.147-08:00School Functions and Co-Parenting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlJyCWrqKfPXRDSRhbH60UWDiSCZThp5YjaGAUI_1LqAdXj93hVTeZAEPH1yUu0qLHbYh68ZH9f3ARW7qjMDb6KgzDkehfZpFaHL9C0i6aVF8MWBORnUXF8Tlq5OCphBgQOfZJlq0_Lqlx/s1600/school-concert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlJyCWrqKfPXRDSRhbH60UWDiSCZThp5YjaGAUI_1LqAdXj93hVTeZAEPH1yUu0qLHbYh68ZH9f3ARW7qjMDb6KgzDkehfZpFaHL9C0i6aVF8MWBORnUXF8Tlq5OCphBgQOfZJlq0_Lqlx/s1600/school-concert.jpg" /></a></div>
Photo: <a href="http://singleparents.about.com/od/yourchildseducation/tp/10-ways-to-start-the-school-year-right.htm">Single Parents</a><br />
<br />
<br />
My post next week for Her View from Home is about divorce and school functions. I try to post similar, yet different information on this blog.<br />
<br />
So many things can contribute to how school functions during and after divorce are handled. No matter what is happening or has already happened, your children need you to be the adult, swallow your pride, and shut your mouth around your ex. It isn't easy, as a matter of fact, it just plain sucks at times, BUT it must be done for the sake of the children.<br />
<br />
The middle school orientation was tough for my daughter last year. My ex husband met us at the school (us being my husband, Bob, and my other daughter, Cami) and brought his baby. He didn't bring a diaper bag or a car seat into the school. Her baby brother barfed on a teacher's leg in the cafeteria and all over the linoleum floor. My youngest scrambled to find napkins for her dad, who had vomit on him as well, while the middle-schooler hid her red face. Each time we walked into a classroom to meet one of her teachers, the teacher would look at each of us, pleading for a clue to who's who with their confused gaze. From that point on, Ali asked that we not all go to her orientation.<br />
<br />
We try to listen to her input and plan accordingly, as long as not having all parents there does not interfere with anything. I think that is the most important thing that someone divorced can do, is listen to your children, and to remember who is the adult. It is not easy to put feelings aside. Concentrate on the child. Keep the relationship with the ex cordial and business-like. <br />
<br />
Check out more on the topic on <a href="http://herviewfromhome.com/divorce-and-school-functions/">Her View From Home</a><br />
<br />
The below information is from: <br />
<h3>
<b><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="fn">Tips for Coparents Who Attending School Events</span></span></b></h3>
<h3>
<b><span style="font-weight: normal;">How to Handle School School Events Like Back-to-School-Night & Conferences</span></b></h3>
By <a href="http://singleparents.about.com/bio/Jennifer-Wolf-19836.htm" rel="author">J</a><a href="http://singleparents.about.com/bio/Jennifer-Wolf-19836.htm">ennifer Wolf</a>:<br />
<a href="http://singleparents.about.com/od/yourchildseducation/tp/schoolfunctions.htm">Single Parents School Functions</a><br />
<div class="lsItm">
<h3>
1. Make an Effort to Attend Your Child's School Events</h3>
Attending
school events is an extremely important way to show your children how
much you support them. Of course, there will be times when you have
scheduling conflicts and valid reasons why you cannot attend. However,
when you <i>can</i> go to events like Back-to-School-Night or a
special concert, play, or sporting event, make the effort to be present.
Don't let hesitation over seeing the other parent keep you from being
at events that mean a lot to your children.<br />
<br />
<div class="lsItm">
<h3>
2. Focus on the Kids During School Events</h3>
Remember,
it's for your children's benefit that you want to attend school events.
This is not for the purpose of making an impression on your ex, school
personnel, or anyone else. Instead, you're doing this because it's an
important part of playing an active role in your children's lives. Don't
make the mistake of underestimating how powerful your involvement
really is.</div>
<div class="lsItm">
<h3>
3. Coordinate With Your Ex Regarding School </h3>
Communicate with one another beforehand so that there are no surprises at the
event. Also, remember that you don't have to drive to the function
together or even sit together. If the event is parent-teacher
conferences, you can opt to request separate meetings with your child's
teacher. However, it is important that you keep your meeting focused on
your child's progress, <i>not</i> your personal situation.</div>
<div class="lsItm">
<h3>
4. Be Courteous to One Another at School Events</h3>
When
you see your ex at the event, make an effort to be courteous. This
means, at the very least, acknowledging his or her presence with a nod
or a wave. Even if your situation is extremely contentious, make an
effort to treat your ex as you'd like to be treated yourself. This sets
an important example for your children about your ability to put your
differences aside and get along for their sake.</div>
<div class="lsItm">
<h3>
5. Tolerate Some Discomfort For the Sake of Your Child</h3>
Frankly,
the need to attend school events at the same time will probably make
you feel uncomfortable for quite a while, especially if you are newly
divorced or separated. If it is helpful to you, make plans to attend the
event with a friend or neighbor. The distraction of making small talk
and knowing ahead of time who you'll be sitting with may help you
tolerate some of the discomfort and focus on enjoying the event.<br />
<br />
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</div>
</div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.womansdivorce.com/school-activities-after-divorce.html">Divorce School Activities</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.womansdivorce.com/parenting-divorce.html">Woman's Divorce Parenting Tips</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-17400321622255464052012-10-30T11:23:00.001-07:002012-10-30T11:44:24.411-07:00For My Daddy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0lwLWvYqG7pdd-Q2GpMYy2juxfs6JdCk1Otg03gOH5g5XLVS2spa9riBIAU9n831VON08gDa9HqzPmpNh-jS-L_70UseRJDE0yxk0vMeOiJvcM3wCb6A9t2rsVMYy6VL3FFeUBc7V6l-1/s1600/dad+me+and+mom.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0lwLWvYqG7pdd-Q2GpMYy2juxfs6JdCk1Otg03gOH5g5XLVS2spa9riBIAU9n831VON08gDa9HqzPmpNh-jS-L_70UseRJDE0yxk0vMeOiJvcM3wCb6A9t2rsVMYy6VL3FFeUBc7V6l-1/s1600/dad+me+and+mom.jpeg" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />
I posted something for my mother around Mother's Day, but I did not post anything about dads. My childhood was dysfunctional, but who's wasn't? My parents did a MUCH better job than their parents.<br />
<br />
My father and I had periods of time when I was extremely angry at him. After my parent's were divorced, there would be weeks that we did not speak. Six years ago, my dad had a stroke while he was living in Texas. Luckily, I had already taken time off from work for another reason, and my mother agreed to drive me to Texas. We drove all night. I was thankful that my mom was able to swallow her pride and all bitterness, due to the divorce, to take me to my dad. <br />
<br />
My father was in worse shape than I had anticipated. One side of his face drooped, his speech was slurred, he could not walk or use his left arm. He was left-handed, so he could not even feed himself. The stroke caused so many secondary issues, such as: seizures, confusion, horrible itching all over his body, and the worst anxiety I have ever witnessed. It was torture to watch my dad lay there in the hospital bed. The social worker in the hospital told me it would be near impossible to transport my dad to Omaha without thousands of dollars. He was unable to travel without a nurse or paramedic. A flight would have cost closed to $10,000, and an ambulance ride from Texas to Omaha would have cost nearly as much. I looked the Social worker in the eye, and asked what I should do. She said there was not much I could do.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio3VuannqSWAH7mvjgSMNSzAbNENAYtDOs0PLCLoKqteMyLyWY4DLCNhGyFr0bksSHdap00IQes0bGIhyphenhyphenxA4IVyPKKTBa_dbWJQ3kPCmDWHNbZiuXko3Z-mEBp_r8p6jzb7L2fP9dboPB8/s1600/me+and+dad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio3VuannqSWAH7mvjgSMNSzAbNENAYtDOs0PLCLoKqteMyLyWY4DLCNhGyFr0bksSHdap00IQes0bGIhyphenhyphenxA4IVyPKKTBa_dbWJQ3kPCmDWHNbZiuXko3Z-mEBp_r8p6jzb7L2fP9dboPB8/s1600/me+and+dad.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
The last words I said to my father before I left him to return home to my children, "I will NOT leave you here like this. I WILL get you to Omaha, somehow."<br />
<br />
We both cried and hugged one another, and I could see the fear in his eyes. He was terrified he would be put in a home in Texas, left alone for the rest of his life. When I returned, I made call after call on my father's behalf. I heard of charities who flew patients, complete with medical care, free of charge. I found an organization to fly my father, lined up a hospital to take him BEFORE his Medicare/Medicaid had been approved (the hospital where I worked at the time), found him a doctor, and a facility to take him after he finished with rehab. I made a phone call to that social worker in Texas, and told her to never say never.<br />
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<br />
<br />
I was so relieved. I am posting some links to free medical flight websites:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://aircharitynetwork.org/">Air Charity Network</a><br />
<a href="http://www.angelflightne.org/">Angel Flight NE</a><br />
<a href="http://www.angelflight.com/">Angel Flight Inc</a><br />
<a href="http://www.aircareall.org/">Air Care All</a><br />
<br />
My dad was flown here, in rehab for a few months, followed by a place for head-injured people, and has been living in his own apartment for years. I assist with his finances, getting him to appointments, and renewing his insurance yearly. I was remarried last year, and the song my dad and I danced to was, I'll Stand by You, by The Pretenders. The song still makes me cry.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
Something good came from the stroke. I got my daddy back, not just physically, but emotionally. I no longer held onto all of the pain and resentment, and when I looked at him I only saw love. I know now that my dad always did the best he could with the tools he had at the time, and he ALWAYS meant well. He would never knowingly hurt me. I am an only child, and I did not have a perfect childhood. I am grateful for the childhood I had, because so much of who I am now came from who I was and who my parents were. I am strong, independent, creative, funny, and forgiving. I would not be all of those things if not for my parents. My dad has always believed in anything and everything that was and is important to me. He never doubted me or discouraged me. He nurtured my creativity and independence.<br />
<br />
Dad, I want you to know how very important and irreplaceable you are to me. I love you unconditionally and without expectations. I am grateful to you for all that you have done for me. I am thankful that I get to be your daughter, and I think you were and are the perfect dad for me in this life. If I could go back and choose a father, I would choose you every time. I don't want you to think you haven't done anything important in this life or that you should have done something more. You are a father, a grandfather, and an inspiration to me. I love you so much, Daddy.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-30361560965804165782012-10-26T06:05:00.000-07:002012-10-26T06:05:01.677-07:00Halloween with A Blended Family<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnu0Yu8tPkO_N7rYnGZy1QsN1HmIRM2jH0FnJmxPZUtwuznhfNqhYzdpWCMS42cTswPAiwzwRSGuxQ2N9bkvNW0EhVTAbuusUgASc5OJclYmGUei4OHe39yHtuNWEV4Ehkbmz09Yn4HAie/s1600/Cami+and+Ali+2+Halloween+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnu0Yu8tPkO_N7rYnGZy1QsN1HmIRM2jH0FnJmxPZUtwuznhfNqhYzdpWCMS42cTswPAiwzwRSGuxQ2N9bkvNW0EhVTAbuusUgASc5OJclYmGUei4OHe39yHtuNWEV4Ehkbmz09Yn4HAie/s1600/Cami+and+Ali+2+Halloween+2011.jpg" width="191" /></a></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeV0b644DCP8ysmkMX-WGLiw8y0jR8DitCAaBPiRTc4o7nuiyB_MgyZb-X4nMdAKakaO_XpxGpsDeQzOtIyzz7KnoSSnDo7PykFJ6942jF1N7PWp9CU2jCGoQvNW5YfAs50cY70dyL4oy7/s1600/Dave+&+the+Girls+Halloween+2011.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeV0b644DCP8ysmkMX-WGLiw8y0jR8DitCAaBPiRTc4o7nuiyB_MgyZb-X4nMdAKakaO_XpxGpsDeQzOtIyzz7KnoSSnDo7PykFJ6942jF1N7PWp9CU2jCGoQvNW5YfAs50cY70dyL4oy7/s1600/Dave+&+the+Girls+Halloween+2011.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cami, Ayden, Grandpa Dave, and Ali Halloween 2011</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My second post on Her View from Home is about how we <i>do </i>Halloween with our unique family. <br />
Link.<br />
<br />
Divorce can completely change the way your family plans the holidays. Even Halloween can be so much more complicated when you insert exes, step-parents, and step-siblings.<br />
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The first Halloween during our separation was extremely uncomfortable. My ex-husband went trick-or-treating with us, with two mutual friends of ours as a couple. The girls ran ahead of us, racing one another to each house, leaving the adults to walk together, in awkward silence. I had to continuously remind myself why we were trick-or-treating together in the first place. We had to be grown-ups and put our differences aside for the kids for an hour and a half if we wanted to truly put them first. I kept my mouth shut and we made it through that hour and a half. Once we each met someone, holidays became even more complicated.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trish and Bob Halloween 2010</td></tr>
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During <a data-mce-href="http://www.nemediation.org/mediator-search/familydivorce-mediators" href="http://www.nemediation.org/mediator-search/familydivorce-mediators" title="mediation">mediation</a>, we decided to forgo swapping Halloween every year and to each take the girls for a couple of hours on Halloween. They grow up so fast, and neither of us wanted to miss a single Halloween of trick-or-treating, school parties, and costumes.<br />
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This year, the girls will begin trick-or-treating with their dad, step-mom, and siblings early in the evening, and will finish the night trick-or treating with us. We take turns assisting in the classroom parties, and this year Molly and I both plan to help during Cami's class party. Cami does not have to worry that it will be awkward or that we will not get along. The only thing she worries about is how everyone else reacts to our unique situation. People are not usually understanding about our family, and many make comments. It is never easy to put the children first, but I believe it is worth it. Follow the link to HVFH to read more.<br />
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<a href="http://herviewfromhome.com/halloween-with-a-blended-family/">HVFH -Halloween With A Blended Family</a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bob and the Girls Halloween 2010</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-11329104879018580372012-10-07T12:26:00.002-07:002012-10-12T05:56:02.676-07:00Our Blended Family<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ayden and Ali</td></tr>
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My first post about my blended family is on the Her View From Home site. I am truly honored to be a feature writer for this wonderful mom site. My bi-weekly posts will explore life during and after a divorce.<br />
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I was married the first time for twelve years, and we have two beautiful daughters, 13 and 9. My ex-husband and I have both remarried. This is my husband's first marriage, and he has no children. He is absolutely wonderful with our girls.<br />
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My ex-husband and his wife have two little ones of their own, a one-year-old boy and a six-month-old daughter. My ex and I share legal and physical joint custody our two girls. When we first separated, it was important to my ex and I to make the situation as comfortable as possible for our children. Children deserve to be able to talk openly and kindly about either parent without criticism from the other parent. <br />
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It isn't always easy to place the children's needs above your own anger and pain, but I believe it is essential to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids. Molly, my ex husband's wife and I talk almost daily. We discuss the girls and their behavior, and all decide on their punishments as a team. The four of us discuss everything that involves the children and work together as a team.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cami and Peyton</td></tr>
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One advantage to all of us getting along so well is it makes situations where we have to all be around one another much easier. The children don't have to worry about their parents and step-parents fighting at their choir programs or softball games. They also know if they try to bate one parent against the other, it will not work, because we have open communication.<br />
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Follow the link below to Her View From Home, to my first post.<br />
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<a href="http://herviewfromhome.com/blended-families/">Her View From Home-Blended Families, by Trish Eklund</a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ali, Ayden, and Cami</td></tr>
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Photograph of the three kids by, Kristen Kirkelie, Kirkelie Photography<br />
<a href="http://www.kirkeliephotography.com/">Kirkelie Photography</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6107637892861578251.post-26572198053765626832011-05-18T14:21:00.000-07:002011-05-18T14:32:41.237-07:00Pain is a Step Toward the Next Adventure<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKr77QOx9FWFvCBH2oPrZyUqhk9lw9zy3b48Djtn0rtbEHFX1PoFvHjzz3FidLGiHX5RhM-XpJuhcGfrbv2z0K1J52qVwrkzzK6sgwXbvUTfMelhD0biIJVKhVLG7B5TpPS3dW_3LvDt7j/s1600/sock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKr77QOx9FWFvCBH2oPrZyUqhk9lw9zy3b48Djtn0rtbEHFX1PoFvHjzz3FidLGiHX5RhM-XpJuhcGfrbv2z0K1J52qVwrkzzK6sgwXbvUTfMelhD0biIJVKhVLG7B5TpPS3dW_3LvDt7j/s320/sock.jpg" width="191px" /></a>Above: Me pulling on my sock with my grabber. Below: My beautiful new scar that will always remind me nothing worth having is easy to obtain.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwjIZ4ud3tCs9rV7oqrV_kNHbX89lQXcuJLe4OGq1TLgj_6qk_DO7MiNf89Tb85L9jkWus3YcjGRF5RQAUiS8wwtuw7QCB9W0YZsyqglhcoe8K0ykO7-Pjl6ih-o7HGfj-89EQKPJ_MbR2/s1600/hip+incision.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwjIZ4ud3tCs9rV7oqrV_kNHbX89lQXcuJLe4OGq1TLgj_6qk_DO7MiNf89Tb85L9jkWus3YcjGRF5RQAUiS8wwtuw7QCB9W0YZsyqglhcoe8K0ykO7-Pjl6ih-o7HGfj-89EQKPJ_MbR2/s320/hip+incision.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div>I had a total hip replacement May 3. I have been resting, drugged, and adjusting to my new part. With anything new it has it's good and hard to deal with points. The wonderful part is the pain now is healing pain. I no longer have that incessant, sharp ripping when I take a step. I am no going down the hill on my way to recovery!!!<br />
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I can't cross my legs or ankles, my feet can not touch, and I can't bend over 90 degrees. All of these things could lead to dislocation of my hip, which already happened right after the surgery when they moved me. I was still unconscious, and had a spinal, which relaxed the muscles to the point they didn't hold my prosthetic joint into place. <br />
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I was so nervous before the surgery, frightened I would not remember to keep my legs uncrossed, or bend too far. Muscles and ligaments tell you when you are going the wrong way. For now I have a grabber to put my pants and socks on. I have a seat in the shower, and I have to have someone shave my legs. I have a pillow between my legs when I am sitting or laying to keep me from crossing them. My hip reminds me when I am too close to crossing the line, with a little zing of pain. It tells me when I need to stop bustling around the bedroom or kitchen and rest. When I ignore it I am punished with the sleepless throb of pain from hip to toes.<br />
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I was thinking today about how many things in life are instinct and faith. We learn as we go with anything and everything. When we are on a path that isn't good for us something tells us we should stop and turn the other way. Whether we choose to listen and avoid more pain or continue and suffer the consequences is our choice. When we make the wrong choice, like me with my overdoing it and irritating my hip, we can't really whine about the excess pain. We knew better. <br />
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Someone told me this week that I have had a rough couple of years with the divorce, my agent and I parting ways, and three hip surgeries, and all of the pain with decreased physical activity. Honestly, I didn't know how to respond to her, because this last year has been one of the best of my life. I met the man of my dreams! I made a decision to go a different direction, and this was all part of that journey. Pain and change are a huge part of life, but it is up to you which you will remember. I will remember this hip surgery as a step to no longer having to choose minimal tasks. I will be able to do so much more once healed! Walks, pushing my kids on the swing, dancing with my fiance, shopping for more than an hour without propping my leg up after. <br />
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Emotional or physical pain is just a step-a step toward the next adventure, and sometimes a sign you are going the wrong way. Is your pain necessary? If so it is a step toward something wonderful. If it is not necessary, is there something you can do to change it? Only you know the answers to these questions.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12076893060847766598noreply@blogger.com1