Taking a Stand

Albino Peacock

 
One of the most important and most vivid memories of taking a stand or lack there of, was when I around eleven or twelve. We had moved (again)  into the middle of nowhere in West Texas, and I had to change schools. I had to ride the bus to and from school, and the other kids were not nice. I was a scrawny gangly kid, who wore glasses until I was thirteen. My main goal at that point of my life was to slide under the radar, to try not to be noticed by all of the bullies. I tried to be invisible. I tried to get good grades, but not too hard. I refused to raise my hand to keep the attention off of myself. The country school I attended was grade K-12. The high-school was in a separate building next to the elementary, but all ages of students rode buses together.

There was a young man, in high school, who rode my bus. His hair was was the lightest shade of blond, like snow with a tinge of yellow. His eyes were pink, and his skin a translucent white, showing the blue road map of veins snaking beneath his papery skin. The other kids shouted at him, threw food, shot spit-wads at him. Spit-soaked paper tangled in his platinum hair, as he stared out of the rectangular windows. His main objective was to stay in the center of the ridicule to protect his little sister, Marla. She was tiny for her age, although I can't remember how old she was. She had bottle-cap glasses, and if not for her brother would have been the brunt of the jokes. Because her brother was different, more different than her, he was the target. She had a chance, thanks to her brother.

I sat on the bouncing seats, for a half hour in the morning and a half hour in the afternoon, watching him. Every day, I told myself I would be more like that beautiful boy on the bus. I would take a stand, for him. I would stand up and tell those other kids to STOP!!!! And every day, I held my voice. I knew what would happen if I spoke up. I knew that all of those mean kids would turn their hatred toward me.

I remember one day in particular, the kids were really mean to him. He endured them calling him a faggot, an ugly albino, and a freak. He sat in that brittle green seat, accepting what his peers put him through. I still believe he did it for her, for Marla. He stood and walked off the bus, with spit clinging in his hair, behind his little sister.

When I got home that day, I sobbed in my mother's arms, for that beautiful, heroic boy. I was disappointed in myself for not taking a stand for him. That was the first time I learned what the word, faggot meant. I learned, from my mother, about homosexuality. Before I had my first period, I learned of how cruel people could be. I don't know if he really was gay or if those kids just assumed. What I do know is he was Marla's hero, and he was MY hero. I watched him every day for at least a year, and every day I vowed to stand up for him. There were so many things about me for the kids to make fun of and I couldn't do it.

I still think of that pink-eyed boy. I still wish I could have been his hero. Now when I see someone struggling, I stand up. I do everything I can to help.

One of my very favorite people, over a span of 39 years, is Richard Peters.

I will never forget meeting him for the first time. Richard was tall, and his personality was larger than life. I remember looking at him and just smiling. He taught me that I was beautiful. He was there for me when others were not. Richard is a performer, and he has THE voice. His songs can bring you to tears with raw power and emotion. Richard is honest. He is brutally honest. If no one else will tell you the truth, he will. One of my favorite things about him is that he can see the good in everyone, even when they don't deserve it. Someone could bad-mouth him and he would come to their defense. Richard loves God and tries every day to help others. He deserves to be happy.

This dear friend is homosexual. He has the gumption to stand up for who he is, for who he has always been. He is a beautiful human being, who would do anything in his power for someone else, even those who turn their backs on him.

This man, this beautiful loving man deserves to have the same rights that I am entitled. He deserves to marry the person he loves, if he chooses to marry. This issue is not about God. This issue is about equality. Richard can not change who he is any more than we can change the color of our skin or the color of our eyes.Even if you disagree with this due to religion, I feel it is purely about equality. Everyone should have the same rights, regardless of religion, race, sex, sexual orientation, and any other reason people invent to oppress others.

I know that this is a raw subject for some people, especially religious people. Neither of these men have ever purposefully hurt another person. Why would God send them to hell for loving another human being? Why do they not deserve to have the same rights that I have? It makes no sense to me. There was a time when women weren't allowed to vote, when people with a different color of skin were segregated. Allowing rights for some and not others is not fair, regardless of your personal reasons. We all deserve to have the same rights. Period. It is about equality.

I found the following on a chat forum, written at the end of 2012:

"Should gays/trans use the same bathroom as Heteros?"

 Someone actually had the thought that we should give homosexuals SEPARATE BATHROOMS! This really upsets and disgusts me. The responses were equally disturbing. We are teaching our children to judge others. We are teaching our children to hate. Whether it is based on religion or not, it is WRONG. Look at Charlie Sheen, who lived with two women at once. Look at that Kardashian woman, who was married for days...these are the people who do not take marriage seriously. I am teaching my daughters to respect the beliefs and opinions of others, regardless of whether or not they agree, and that everyone deserves equal rights.

I am so very proud of my president and the first lady for taking a stand. I will stand proudly for my sweet friends judged by their sexual orientation, for everyone who is slighted for their appearance, for every person who is ridiculed for the color of their skin, for a stutter, for being short, for being ugly, for being harshly critiqued for the choices they make, for being promiscuous, for being different.

I choose to treat people as I want to be treated. I choose to not purposefully cause another person pain. I am taking a stand for equality, even if only with my voice.

Photo of me and Richard below by, Matt Spilker and Lyndsay Rupe, Spilker Portraits

Expectations Ruin Relationships

My post for Her View From Home this week is about expectations in relationships.

How many times daily do you have expectations of yourself and others that end in disappointment? Do you assume to know what someone has going on or compare them to you, expecting for the other person to behave as you would?

All of our needs are different, based on our past experiences, emotional needs and scars, physical capabilities, and the level of learning in life we are on. My life lessons are not the same as everyone else. My past and traumatic experiences are not the same as others. My insecurities are also a factor in setting unrealistic expectations.

My husband, Bob always has good intentions. If you catch him in the evening when he is relaxing and in a good mood, he will agree to do anything. The next day, he has the habit of realizing whatever he agreed to do was not what he really wanted to do. If he told someone he would do something for them, they count on him. His choices are then to either cancel and risk disappointing the other person or doing the task at hand, while also making himself miserable. I suggested he not make any plans set in stone, to tell people he will see what his schedule looks like the next day, eliminating the promises and disappointment. The best solution for unrealistic expectations and unspoken expectations is communication.

My mom and I assume the other is thinking one thing, when often we are way off base. I have started asking her when she seems upset if it is based on truth--on facts or assumptions. If based on assumptions of others and/or your own emotional insecurities, it is not fair to project them onto others.

In the beginning of a relationship, we give up certain things to spend more time with the other person. We stay up way too late, sacrificing sleep. We skip reading before bed for pillow talk or to talk on the phone. The other person's passions become our interests and ours become theirs. After a year or two, we gradually gravitate toward our own interests again, giving less time to the other person. Sleep is important again. This is all normal. The problem is, the other person may still expect you to take the same interest in their interests that you once had. They may expect you to keep a spotless house as you did when you met. They may expect to have sex five times a week, clean, care for the children, and do everything else you once did. If they do not tell you of these expectations, you are automatically set up to fail, and resentment builds on both sides.

I feel the answer is communication. If you are expecting something specific, the other person deserves to know. When we let go of our own expectations of ourselves and others, going with the flow of life, we are rarely disappointed.

Something that I am currently working on is letting go of the assumptions that I think other people feel. If someone is upset with me and they do not communicate their feelings to me, it is not my problem. I tend to speculate, analyze, and torture myself with every imagine scenario. If it is really bothering me, I try to speak up. Sometimes this is easier said than done, depending on who the other person might be. I have been working on MY communication skills, and have noticed improvements with all of my relationships.

"We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. Everyone has a need to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage. In my opinion, the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations. So, how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs, of course! You focus on your needs and make a commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Talk about what you need with your partner. Express your needs with love. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems." Excerpt from a great blog, The Truth About Relationship Expectations, by  Larry James

Filling Your Life With the Stuff That Matters

Stress is a Choice An Empty Pickle Jar A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty pickle jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two glasses of chocolate milk from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. The Moral of the Story - The professor waited for the laughter to subside.... "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things...your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full." "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your home, your car."   "The sand is everything else...The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are critical to your happiness." The pebbles, the balls, and the sand are different for everyone. My golf balls are my family, friends, health, reading, writing, and music. The pebbles are my job, my home, my truck. The sand is cleaning, cooking, errands, laundry, and the things I agree to do that I don't always want to do.  My goal for the next year is to spend more time on the golf balls and pebbles than the sand.

Co-parenting, Extended Family, and Birthdays

This year, for Cami's tenth birthday, the four adults went above and beyond to give her a wonderful birthday. The four of us get along and try to keep life drama-free. This is not always the case with all four sides of our extended family. It is one thing to be married and have in-laws, but quite another to be divorced and remarried, with eight sets of grandparents. Each grandparent is quite different, with their own set of morals, and limits . Not everyone would prefers our blended approach to parenting. They would prefer we were the traditional divorced family, who does everything separately, not happy about spending time with all of us.

Cami and Ayden

Cami did not want to have four separate parties. She decided on a family dinner, with Bob, myself, her father, her step-mother, and all of her siblings together. She will have a slumber party in January. Last night, we all went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (her favorite) to celebrate.

Molly and Ali

 Yes, the four of us took all four children out for Cami's birthday, and yes, we all sat at the same table together. I think Jeff and Bob were probably a little nervous anticipating awkward feelings, but it went very well! Bob, Cami, Ayden, and I sat on one side, while Ali, Molly Jeff, and Peyton sat on the other side. Ayden entertained us, dancing and clapping in his highchair while the wait-staff danced, laughing when Bob picked up a slobber-covered cup, and pulling the birthday girl's hair.

Peyton attempted to gnaw the table and kept her dad very busy. I noticed while we had dinner that caring for two babies at once is like juggling, with several balls constantly in the air. It made me appreciate Molly, the girl's step-mom all the more. She takes care of two babies, AND puts up with my teenager!

I brought a homemade birthday cake, and we left the restaurant full and happy. The girls both seemed to enjoy the night very much, and commented after we left that we are the best parents EVER. There were a couple of memories brought up from when Jeff and I were married, which I always worry will make Bob or Molly uncomfortable. Other than that, it went very smooth. I hope that one day we can try to have a holiday together, but I'm not sure the men are quite ready for that yet!I think it is more awkward for both Bob and Jeff than it is for me, Molly, and the kids.

I think we have put our children, all of them first, in every way. We all sat at the same table celebrating our daughter turning ten, and we made her feel special and cherished, which is the best gift we could ever give her.

Find Your OWN Passion, for the Sake of Your Children

I have been a mom for almost 14 years. When I was a young mom with babies, I thought everything had to be perfect. I thought I was expected to have a spotless house, cook home-cooked meals, and when I wasn't doing all  of those things, I was playing with my children. I lost sight of my passion for awhile. I put everyone else's needs before my own. I was happy with my children and family, but felt something was missing.

 I started writing again and something shifted. I realized what had been missing before--the thing that lights me up from the inside. I also realized something else. I have never heard someone on the death-bed say, "I should have cleaned more," or "I wish I would have made everything from scratch (unless cooking is your passion)." People usually say that they wish they would have spent more time doing what they loved. There will always be something to clean, laundry to do, cars to wash, errands to run. Some of that stuff can be put aside for an hour, a day, etc. Another option is to ask for help doing those things.

I also noticed that most men don't seem to have a problem doing what they enjoy If they love to golf, they make time for it. If they love hunting or fishing, they make it happen. If their passion is cooking, they make time for it. Woman are a different story. Why do most women feel that it's okay to put themselves last? Would you want for your daughter to put herself last?  One important thing to think about is that our children learn by watching us, not just what we say, but especially what we do. If we put ourselves last, our children will learn to do the same.

Something I have said since my early twenties and constantly reminding myself is that on every single airline, they tell us if the oxygen masks drop down to put ours on first. You can't help anyone if you are dead. You can't teach your children about passion if you have none of your own. No matter what lights you up, you must make time for yourself, even if only a half an hour a day.

Personality Types-Blue, Yellow, Green, Red

Photo Source:
Color Chart

While I worked in the doctor's office, few years ago, one of the nurses had all of us take this personality test to better relate to one another. It was eye-opening for me to better understand my co-workers and everyone else in my life. The most interesting thing is that my results are different now when compared to when  I took the test a few years ago, which I assume is because I have changed as a person. I was tied Red and Blue when I took it at the doctor's office. I posted my current results below. I am a blue, with red and green close runner-ups.

To take the test, go across each row with the square in each that you identify the most with the highest number. For example: if you are a methodical planner, next rational and curious, then cooperative and idealistic, with spontaneous and Impulsive last: it would be a 4 in yellow, 3 in green, 2 in blue, and 1 in red. Once you complete each row across, add the numbers in each color column. My results are below for example.

	Red	Yellow	Blue	Green
First Row	Spontaneous, Impulsive, Impetuous	Stable, Methodical, Planner	Cooperative, Idealistic, Wants Harmony	Rational, Curious, Complex
Second Row	Adventurous, Daring, In a Hurry	Traditional, Responsible, Dependable	Catalyst, Compassionate, Inspirational	Logical Analytical, Loner
Third Row	Love Excitement, Explorer, Unpredictable	Dutiful, Teacher, Industrious	Authentic, Empathic, Motivator	Intellectual, Inventive, Problem-solver
Fourth Row	Energetic, Expedient, Jokester	Makes Rules, Orderly, Prepares	Supportive, Self-Aware, Caring	System-Thinker, Independent, Perfectionist
Fifth Row	Bold, Witty, Risk-taker	Loyal, Reliable, Likes Structure	Romantic, Flexible, Self-actualizing	Theoretical, Ingenious, Individualist
	Total-	Total-	Total-	Total-

YELLOW 
Responsibility

I value rules, tradition, and authority. I have a clear idea of what people should do. I want to belong. I handle details well, and I'm a hard-worker. I am useful, productive, a contributor. I like to care for others--look out for them. I want to anticipate and prepare for the future. The home & family are the core of society. It's important to have rules, laws and control. I appreciate awards and public recognition. I demonstrate my love in practical ways.

Strengths
1. Loyal
2. Dependable
3. Punctual
4. Trustworthy
5. Structured

Weaknesses
1. Resistant to change
2. Conservative
3. Rigid
4. Easily flustered in situations of change


Needs others to provide
1. Follow through on details
2. Focus on tasks
3. Logical approach

RED

Adventure
I like being free to do things on my own way. Where are the new frontiers? I want to explore. Life is a wonderful game--let's play! Where's the action (or problem), let me at em! Variety and excitement are fun and stimulating. Give me a challenge--I'll handle it now! I love the spotlight--watch me perform. Let's find a new and different way to do it. Freedom is important to me, don't fence me in. Rules that don't make sense can be broken. Bells are for ringing and mountains for climbing.

 Strengths
1. Getting immediate results
2. Making quick decisions
3. Persistence
4. Solving problems
5. Taking charge
6. Looking self reliant
7. Accepting challenges

Weaknesses
1. Insensitivity towards others
2. Impatient
3. Overlook risks
4. Inflexibility, demanding of others
5. Talks too much
6. Inattentive to details at times
7. Resenting of restrictions

Needs others to provide
1. Attention to routine tasks
2. Caution
3. Focus on details and facts

GREEN

Curiosity

Searching, learning, and understanding are fun. I love puzzles, problems, and finding solutions. I like to work independently. Intelligence, justice and fairness are important. I want to be correct--to do things right. It would be great fun to explore the universe. Once I've found the solution, the others and take over and put it into action. My calm exterior may hide some inner turmoil. I love to create a brand new idea. Being competent is absolutely essential. I want my brain to manage my emotions.

Strengths 
1. Supportive
2. Agreeable
3. Loyal
4. Self control
5. Consistent
6. Good listener
7. Independent

Weaknesses
1. Resist change
2. Trouble making deadlines
3. Overly lenient with people
4. Procrastinates
5. Indecisive
6. Holds grudges
7. Overly possessive

Needs others to provide
1. Push to try new challenges
2. Help in solving difficult problems
3. Initiative and accepting change

BLUE
Relationships are important to me. I want to have lots of friends--share and care. I have integrity, I'm authentic and unique. I like helping others become what they can be. Emotions are okay, and I show mine easily. People are lots more important than things. I enjoy flowers, music, and romantic movies. I love to help friends solve their problems. My hunches work. I'm very intuitive. Empathy and sympathy are both easy for me. I thrive on recognition and acceptance. I'm really good at motivating people.

Strengths
1. Orderliness
2. Conscientious
3. Compassionate
4. Creative
5. Imaginative
6. Diplomatic with people
7. Analytical

Weaknesses
1. Indecisive (looking at all data)
2. Get bogged down in details
3. Rigid on the "how to's"
4. Avoids controversy
5. Low self esteem
6. Hesitant to try new things
7. Sensitive to criticism

Needs others to provide
1. Quick decision making
2. Help in persuading others

My Results:
 

	Red	Yellow	Blue	Green
First Row	Spontaneous, Impulsive, Impetuous         2	Stable, Methodical, Planner         1	Cooperative, Idealistic, Wants Harmony           4	Rational, Curious, Complex          3
Second Row	Adventurous, Daring, In a Hurry 2	Traditional, Responsible, Dependable       1	Catalyst, Compassionate, Inspirational        4	Logical Analytical, Loner               3
Third Row	Love Excitement, Explorer, Unpredictable   3	Dutiful, Teacher, Industrious        1	Authentic, Empathic, Motivator 4	Intellectual, Inventive, Problem-solver             2
Fourth Row	Energetic, Expedient, Jokester 4	Makes Rules, Orderly, Prepares 1	Supportive, Self-Aware, Caring    3	System-Thinker, Independent, Perfectionist   2
Fifth Row	Bold, Witty, Risk-taker               4	Loyal, Reliable, Likes Structure  1	Romantic, Flexible, Self-actualizing   3	Theoretical, Ingenious, Individualist    2
	Total-15	Total-5	Total-18	Total- 12

 Since I have some Blue, Green, and Red tendencies, it explains why I sometimes feel like I am more than one person rolled into one. I love to play practical jokes on people, yet when something is bothering me, I retreat into my own head like a turtle into its shell. I love being around people, but most of the time I prefer to be alone or just with my family, especially when I'm going through something difficult.One thing I am definitely not is traditional, and the yellows are the people I have the hardest time relating to.

Below is another personality type article that I found interesting.I think I am a combination of analytical and expressive.

More information from:
Personality Types Communication Styles

A simple way of personality typing

All of this is only useful if you can easily establish the personality type of both yourself and the other people involved, and often it’s not appropriate to ask. Luckily, Industrial psychologist David Merrill came up with a handy alternative back in 1921, when he realised we could usually ‘type’ people by watching their behaviour. Merrill called his types, ‘communication styles’, and named them:

• Analytical
• Amiable
• Expressive
• Driver

The characteristics of his personality types share commonalities with the types identified by most of the popular typologies:

Analyticals like a lot of data in order to make decisions – information is their comfort zone. For this reason, decisions can take a long time, because Analyticals need to be sure. They are not good with blue-sky thinking or with taking fuzzy orders, especially if they have to hurry or approximate anything. They like detailed reports and well-worked arguments. They will talk through points at length, often frustrating Driver and Expressive personality types. They are less tuned in to abstract concepts and inferences than other types. They are often happiest working alone.

Amiable personality types are the faithful Labradors of the personality set. Without them, no work would get done. They are the grafters, the planners, the cheerful completers. They can do anything, and if they can’t, they know a man who can. They are the conscience of any project, making sure everyone who needs to be told or consulted about something is told or consulted. They are tolerant, and will be the quickest to forgive the extremes of the other styles. They will work until the job is done. They love to be asked for their opinion or for help, and can take a lot of responsibility, but they dislike uncertainty, so have your broad plan or direction, and your desired outcomes, worked out before roping them in.

Expressive personality types are the cheerful advocates of the profile set. They are sociable and happy, the loudest voices in the office, along with Amiables the best networked, and the ones most likely to drag everyone off to the pub. An Expressive will finish your sentence. They are imaginative and creative, and will take your idea and build it into something you never dreamed it could be. Expressives are approximate, fast-moving, broad-brush and blue-sky. They don’t do detail, and they hate slowing down. They tend not to deal with conflict well, because they want everyone to be happy and comfortable.

Drivers are the managing director personality types. They are natural leaders, making decisions quickly and delegating naturally. They are fast-moving and results-driven; often frustrated by others’ preference for caution and detail. They can be prone to aggression, and to leaving people behind as they punch through barriers, but they will deliver the job on time, under budget, and with all measures exceeded, albeit with a few casualties along the way. They have and set clear vision, and are generally good motivators of others.
It is useful to picture the personalities on a wheel, so that their interplay can be more easily seen. Drivers are opposite personality types to Amiables, and Analyticals are opposite Expressives.
A similar ‘shorthand’ for personality types has been adopted by the Insights organisation (http://www.insights.co.uk). Insights use colour-coded the types, so that (as a rough correlation), Analyticals are blue, Amiables are green, Expressives are yellow and Drivers are red. Insights also allow for the personality types which sit between the predominant four, so, on a wheel, a person might be a red-blue or a red-yellow or a green-blue.

Another personality test and my results:
Human Metrics-Personality Test

My results from the Human Metrics Test:

INFJ

Introvert(39%)  Intuitive(62%)  Feeling(75%)  Judging(22%)

• You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (39%)
• You have distinctive preference of Intuition over Sensing (62%)
• You have distinctive preference of Feeling over Thinking (75%)
• You have slight preference of Judging over Perceiving (22%)

School Functions and Co-Parenting

Photo: Single Parents


My post next week for Her View from Home is about divorce and school functions. I try to post similar, yet different information on this blog.

So many things can contribute to how school functions during and after divorce are handled. No matter what is happening or has already happened, your children need you to be the adult, swallow your pride, and shut your mouth around your ex. It isn't easy, as a matter of fact, it just plain sucks at times, BUT it must be done for the sake of the children.

The middle school orientation was tough for my daughter last year. My ex husband met us at the school (us being my husband, Bob, and my other daughter, Cami) and brought his baby. He didn't bring a diaper bag or a car seat into the school. Her baby brother barfed on a teacher's leg in the cafeteria and all over the linoleum floor. My youngest scrambled to find napkins for her dad, who had vomit on him as well, while the middle-schooler hid her red face. Each time we walked into a classroom to meet one of her teachers, the teacher would look at each of us, pleading for a clue to who's who with their confused gaze. From that point on, Ali asked that we not all go to her orientation.

We try to listen to her input and plan accordingly, as long as not having all parents there does not interfere with anything. I think that is the most important thing that someone divorced can do, is listen to your children, and to remember who is the adult. It is not easy to put feelings aside. Concentrate on the child. Keep the relationship with the ex cordial and business-like.

Check out more on the topic on Her View From Home

The below information is from:

Tips for Coparents Who Attending School Events

How to Handle School School Events Like Back-to-School-Night & Conferences

By Jennifer Wolf:
Single Parents School Functions

1. Make an Effort to Attend Your Child's School Events

Attending school events is an extremely important way to show your children how much you support them. Of course, there will be times when you have scheduling conflicts and valid reasons why you cannot attend. However, when you can go to events like Back-to-School-Night or a special concert, play, or sporting event, make the effort to be present. Don't let hesitation over seeing the other parent keep you from being at events that mean a lot to your children.

2. Focus on the Kids During School Events

Remember, it's for your children's benefit that you want to attend school events. This is not for the purpose of making an impression on your ex, school personnel, or anyone else. Instead, you're doing this because it's an important part of playing an active role in your children's lives. Don't make the mistake of underestimating how powerful your involvement really is.

3. Coordinate With Your Ex Regarding School

Communicate with one another beforehand so that there are no surprises at the event. Also, remember that you don't have to drive to the function together or even sit together. If the event is parent-teacher conferences, you can opt to request separate meetings with your child's teacher. However, it is important that you keep your meeting focused on your child's progress, not your personal situation.

4. Be Courteous to One Another at School Events

When you see your ex at the event, make an effort to be courteous. This means, at the very least, acknowledging his or her presence with a nod or a wave. Even if your situation is extremely contentious, make an effort to treat your ex as you'd like to be treated yourself. This sets an important example for your children about your ability to put your differences aside and get along for their sake.

5. Tolerate Some Discomfort For the Sake of Your Child

Frankly, the need to attend school events at the same time will probably make you feel uncomfortable for quite a while, especially if you are newly divorced or separated. If it is helpful to you, make plans to attend the event with a friend or neighbor. The distraction of making small talk and knowing ahead of time who you'll be sitting with may help you tolerate some of the discomfort and focus on enjoying the event.

Divorce School Activities



Woman's Divorce Parenting Tips