Above: Me pulling on my sock with my grabber. Below: My beautiful new scar that will always remind me nothing worth having is easy to obtain.
I can't cross my legs or ankles, my feet can not touch, and I can't bend over 90 degrees. All of these things could lead to dislocation of my hip, which already happened right after the surgery when they moved me. I was still unconscious, and had a spinal, which relaxed the muscles to the point they didn't hold my prosthetic joint into place.
I was so nervous before the surgery, frightened I would not remember to keep my legs uncrossed, or bend too far. Muscles and ligaments tell you when you are going the wrong way. For now I have a grabber to put my pants and socks on. I have a seat in the shower, and I have to have someone shave my legs. I have a pillow between my legs when I am sitting or laying to keep me from crossing them. My hip reminds me when I am too close to crossing the line, with a little zing of pain. It tells me when I need to stop bustling around the bedroom or kitchen and rest. When I ignore it I am punished with the sleepless throb of pain from hip to toes.
I was thinking today about how many things in life are instinct and faith. We learn as we go with anything and everything. When we are on a path that isn't good for us something tells us we should stop and turn the other way. Whether we choose to listen and avoid more pain or continue and suffer the consequences is our choice. When we make the wrong choice, like me with my overdoing it and irritating my hip, we can't really whine about the excess pain. We knew better.
Someone told me this week that I have had a rough couple of years with the divorce, my agent and I parting ways, and three hip surgeries, and all of the pain with decreased physical activity. Honestly, I didn't know how to respond to her, because this last year has been one of the best of my life. I met the man of my dreams! I made a decision to go a different direction, and this was all part of that journey. Pain and change are a huge part of life, but it is up to you which you will remember. I will remember this hip surgery as a step to no longer having to choose minimal tasks. I will be able to do so much more once healed! Walks, pushing my kids on the swing, dancing with my fiance, shopping for more than an hour without propping my leg up after.
Emotional or physical pain is just a step-a step toward the next adventure, and sometimes a sign you are going the wrong way. Is your pain necessary? If so it is a step toward something wonderful. If it is not necessary, is there something you can do to change it? Only you know the answers to these questions.
