Sunday, July 14, 2013

Step Hatred

I have a blended family, which I write about frequently. I support step-parents, as I am married to a step-dad, and my children also have a great step-mom. I try to teach others through example, and by writing about what works for us. I tweet my articles, and I follow several step-moms and bio-moms who support blended families. On Friday night, a woman on twitter replied to a tweet about one of my articles. The link is below, and I also pasted to this blog.

The conversation:

Trish: Step-bashing is hurtful, and unfair. Link to Put An End to Negative Step-Talk on Big Blended Family.

Other Mom: "Bashing the Mom is also hurtful and unfair, yet Ive seen many do it."

Trish: I agree that it is not fair either, and two wrongs don't make a right. I am a bio mom, and I have seen this 1rst hand.

Big Blended Family: "We are talking about parents teaching kids to respect steps. Read the article!"

Other Mom: "I will stand up to steps who trash moms any day. Trish, are you a mom or a bio mom? Big Difference!"

Trish: Just because one person is hurtful, does not give the other person an excuse to be hurtful. If you read this article, you would know I was talking about children speaking negatively to step-parents. I am a mom, and working together with my daughters' step-mom is teaching my girls  to love and respect. She has never trashed me and I refuse to speak poorly of her.

Other Mom: "She doesn't trash you because she is probably a wonderful person. #twitterstepmoms that do are anything but..."

Trish: I don't think they badmouth because they are bad people. I think great people can react hurtfully, based on circumstances. The bottom line is if someone treats you poorly, you have a choice. I don't want my girls to learn that if someone hurts you, you hurt them back. It solves nothing. "If we all had an eye for an eye mentality, the whole world would be blind." We all make mistakes and say things we shouldn't. I feel that women should support each other. The step-mom in my life is my parenting partner, and I treat her with love and respect. Let's be pro-mom, whether step, adopted or bio. Let's work together to raise strong, happy, well-adjusted adults. My girls are learning to forgive. I will say a prayer for you. I hope that you find peace and forgiveness. A mom is a mom, step or otherwise.

Other Mom: "I beg to differ."

Trish: It is your right to disagree. My point is if no one is willing to bend and forgive, what will the world look like? I don't want my kids to live in a world like that.

Other Mom: "No, #twitterstepmoms badmouth because they are immature, selfish, and insecure. I don't have a step in my life. Happily married to my first and only hubs."

Trish: Good for you. Why do you follow step-moms if you have never experienced divorce or remarriage? You can't understand what step-moms and divorced moms go through, until you walk in their shoes. But you don't know any of this firsthand. You are not divorced, so you have no idea what any steps or divorced moms go through.

Other Mom: "I'm a product of divorce and I certainly know what divorced moms go through and I have a step and she and my dad bashed my mom. Guess who I don't want a relationship with now!"

Trish: Understandable. Not all steps are like her. I am not like that. I try to teach others how to co-parent. You responded to my tweet, on Friday, about a blog I wrote, yet you didn't read it. I'm sorry you were hurt as a child. But #twitterstepmoms didn't do that to you. I didn't do that to you. There are many great therapists out there who could help.

I heard later this weekend that this person stalks #twitterstepmoms on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there are many hateful people in the world. I don't feel they are bad people, but rather than choosing forgiveness, they choose to cling to their bitterness like a buoy in the water. Eventually, they are forced to let go of those feelings if they truly want to experience anything better or they die clinging to their bitterness. We all have a choice each time someone is hurtful to us. We can lash out at them or we can take the high road, and be an example. I choose the high road. I wish this woman nothing but healing and forgiveness. We can only control our OWN reactions.