Friday, March 29, 2013

Is that your Ex Hiding in the Bushes?-Dating after Divorce


This week, my post on Her View From Home is about dating after divorce. I wanted to write a quick companion blog, because humor is so much a part of dating. I must add that none of these men met my children or were around them. I did not want to introduce anyone until I knew I was in a serious relationship.

When my husband and I first separated, I was talking to a male friend, quite often. We texted, sent Facebook messages, and occasionally spoke over the phone. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through those first two months without his friendship.There was dating potential with him, for the future, but unfortunately he was in a different relationship place. He was ready to date again, and I was still clinging to the false hope that my husband would come back. We never officially dated, just talked. One of the red flags between this male friend and I was that we bickered, and actually fought quite often. We were not even in a relationship and we were already fighting. One thing to remember is people show you who they are, it is up to you to believe them. He was a great guy, we were just not suited for one another. I think what finally sealed the deal for me was when he swore my ex-husband had driven past his house with a blond woman, laughing. I think an ex-husband intimidates some men, and I did not want to be with a man who was easily intimidated. Besides, my ex did not drive by his house.

The first man I dated turned out to be very similar to my ex, only he was timid. He would obsess over what my ex thought, and whether or not he knew about us. He was constantly looking behind us if we were out, watching for my ex-husband. Needless to say, that did not last.

The next guy (right before I met my husband, Bob) was a set-up from a friend. I really liked him, at first. He took me to a bookstore on our first date and bought me books. If you know me, the bookstore is my heaven! He was older than me, and he had never been married. We only went on a few dates, emailing and talking in between. I really liked him. He stopped calling me, out of the blue, and stopped responding to my emails. Weeks later, I received a strange email from him referencing a book I had lent him. He then shared that on the last night he had seen me, he thought he was followed home. He swore it was my ex-husband in a Tahoe with tinted windows. He said he could not date someone with an ex-husband. I was so glad that I had not introduced this man to my kids!

 A running joke with my friends after those encounters was pretending to spot my ex-husband in airplanes above us, hiding in bushes, ducking behind booths in restaurants, disguised as old ladies and children, etc. My ex-husband had better things to do than to stalk me. I think the idea of an ex-spouse makes some men uncomfortable. Perhaps they are unable to handle the idea of another man being permanently in your life (with children, your ex will never go away) or maybe they think you compare them to your ex. Maybe they worry that the ex is unstable and could hurt them in some way. This is my take on it anyway. Do you have any funny after-divorce dating stories?


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